Last night’s episode of Top Model had high drama, “high fashion� (more like high school, but okay), and enough backstabs to make Caesar’s ills look like a paper cut.

Specifics: The girls got makeovers - some were good, some were beauty school dropout. Renee, the evil yet strangely wholesome teen mother, spat venom at Brittany - the only girl in the house who could actually be a model. Diane, the sex bomb “plus size� model, struggled with her insecurities. Jael, the strung out hippie, lost a friend to an overdose, then dedicated her final photo to the dead friend. And everyone posed naked in buckets of ice cream.

Confused? So were we. Fortunately, former Top Model contestant Brooke Miller is here to make some sense of it all…

So Brooke, what did you think of last night’s episode? It made me really hungry! I was like, I need ice cream right now.

How did they handle food on the Top Model set? It depended on the day. Normally there would be all kinds of snacks, but lots of times we’d get fed whenever the crew felt like it. They’d forget and we’d be starving. It would be so late and they’d be like, “Oh yeah, we’ll order you food.� So they’d get us In ‘N Out burger but we’re like, “We have a photo shoot tomorrow!� On days where we were being judged, they’d have a meal catered to us, but food was always an issue. We were always starving; they never had enough. They did give us money for groceries, and we had great intentions of cooking every night. Then we got exhausted and we were like, “Cereal for dinner!�

So who’s your favorite this season? Brittany. I’m impressed by how well she photographs. She’s a pretty girl but she’s not a stunner. But I feel bad for her because of the weave they gave her during the makeover segment. They had the right idea, but they executed it the wrong way.

Who else had the best makeovers? I really, really liked Dionne’s Kelis haircut. I thought it was a big improvement. And I really liked Renee’s haircut. I don’t like her attitude, but her cut went from mommy to model – I see how she could do this now. And Jaslene looked great at the end.

We’ve heard that Jaslene is the winner… Really? I don’t have any inside scoop as to who wins, but maybe. They’re giving her the “no personality� edit right now, which cracks me up because it’s bull. She auditioned during my cycle, too, and she was the very first girl I laid eyes on when I got off the plane. She had the most personality out of everyone. I think she’ll have this “revelation� on camera and then transform. But she won’t win.

Okay, but if Top Model is like your March Madness, who goes into your final bracket?: It’s Brittany against Felicia. I think she’s a quiet contender, but her story line hasn’t started to develop yet. That means we’ll know about her towards the end of the season!

Natasha, the Russian teen bride, is getting booted? No, Natasha will be around for sure because she’s so hilarious.

What about Jael? I’m not a huge fan. She’s a little rough around the edges. We’re not allowed to have any drugs or paraphernalia in the house but… maybe she’s getting secret packages? I feel like she’s a really good soul, but she looks like she should be fronting a rock band. I wonder if she can sing…

She can be the next Pussycat Doll! Ooh, I’m convinced the Pussycat Dolls house was once the Top Model house, that big warehouse from LA. I’m pretty convinced it’s the same location.

Weird. Did the right girl go home this week? No! I really like Cassandra, the girl who was eliminated. And I was sad to see Samantha go the week before – I felt like she got the same exact edit that I did! “Too young, too immature, can’t handle it,� that’s such crap. I knew she was screwed when she said she liked to sit and write in her journal. That’s what I would do instead of venting to the cameras. Obviously they don’t want you writing in your journal!

The models seem really prepared this season. Nobody panicked during their makeover… After eight seasons, it becomes a studied thing. We all knew what they wanted and what to expect.

If you were in charge of Top Model, what would you change? It seems like Top Model is such a calculated formula. You know what’s going to happen every week – challenge, lesson, photo shoot, something goes home, Tyra wears a crazy outfit… it’s why people love it. So I wouldn’t change it, but I wonder if it will end soon. Like eight or nine seasons? I don’t know. It’s so great to watch though.