With April comes the proximity of June, which, yes, means we’re officially in wedding season.
So while discussing attire options for an upcoming betrothal this morning, a debate raged: Is it ok to wear white to somebody else’s wedding?
On the one hand, you can usually assume the bride will wear white, and showing up in her signature color is a little like showing up to somebody else’s birthday party in a tiara.
But consider this: Plenty of girls are no longer sticking to just white, so if you know the bride’s hitting the aisle in, say, blue, does it matter if you don the shade of innocence yourself? And what if your white dress is short anyway? It’s not like you’ll be mistaken for the girl wearing the veil.
So, an antiquated rule that’s sorely unfair to your stash of perfect little summer dresses that happen to be white? Or a move that shows little respect for your friend/relative/acquaintance and also bans you from any of the red wine?
Discuss!
–CARSON GRIFFITH
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i am definitely for wearing white to a wedding. especially in summer months.
i think white can look classy for more formal affairs but is also light and cool for outdoor ceremonies without shade.
wearing a floor length white gown on the otherhand…
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS IT OKAY TO WEAR WHITE TO A WEDDING.
I EVEN THINK WHITE IS OFF-LIMITS FOR A REHEARSAL DINNER UNLESS YOU KNOW FOR SURE THAT BRIDE IS NOT WEARING WHITE
NO! Don’t do it unless you want passive aggressive stares and comments all night.
Even if I did know for a fact that the bride wasn’t wearing white, I don’t think I would, if for no other reason than to avoid drawing any negative attention to myself. Maybe it’s crazy, but why risk causing a stir over something so silly on one of the most important days of two peoples’ lives?
bottem line its the brides day and do you want to be that person who looks like they are trying to take that away from them?
Maybe this is completely off-base, but remember that episode of The Office when Kelly wore white to Phyllis’ wedding?
Basically, I don’t think it’s okay at all, under any circumstances or because of any “fashion emergencies.”
It’s like wearing white before Labor Day, it’s a dumb rule – just make sure your white dress doesn’t LOOK like a wedding dress.
i have to disagree with all of you.
despite white being the bride’s colour, i really don’t think a guest wearing a white summer dress is really going to distract other guests or take away from her special day. infact i think the opposite, a white dress of less extravagant nature will complement the bride where as a dress of another colour, especially a bright colour or bold print will certainly cause an attention shift and be much more offensive.
Agree completely with number 5. it’s not about the rule. i’ll get my day someday, and the bride can have hers while i’m not wearnig white.
weddings, and marriage have come so far from “tradition” and “standards” so why do we still hang on to these silly rules? i don’t even think i can tell you what color dresses my friends wore to my wedding. the day was spectacular and between worrying about my hair and whether the caterers were going to show up on time, what the guests were wearing was among the least of my worries!
WHY WOULD U TAK THE SPOTLIGHT OFF THE BRIDE?? HOW SELFISH
I wouldn’t do it, because I wouldn’t want to deal with someone getting pissy about it — it just wouldn’t be worth it to me.
But honestly, I’m pretty over the whole idea of weddings being the “bride’s day”. Weddings are celebrations — celebrations are everyone’s day. Sure, the bride and groom are the focus of attention, but because of the event, not their attire. People should wear whatever they think is festive and suitable to the occasion.
The only time I’d judge someone else for wearing white to a wedding is if they did it on purpose to upstage the bride — that’s tacky and petty. But if someone just ahd a pretty white cocktail dress and thought it would look cute? I’d judge the bride for making a fuss in that case. Weddings are not about the dress, and if you think yours is, you probably shouldn’t be getting married.
On a related note, a friend of mine once freaked out pre-wedding because all of her bridesmaids (including me) were having their dresses hemmed in their respective and different cities. She was afraid the hems wouldn’t “match” and it would ruin the photos. So basically, she thought that a photo of her and her best friends on her wedding day would be spoiled if one girl’s hem was a quarter inch shorter than another.
So yeah… people need to chill out a bit about wedding fashion.
Isnt really easy to just wear a dress that isnt white, or if it is white, something with a bit of print? I am sure 100% of the readers of this site have more than one summer dress, why risk it?
A lot of brides are now choosing bridesmaid’s dresses in ivories and whites themselves.
It’s a rule that is a bit antiquated, since brides are now no longer exclusively limited to wearing white on their wedding day.
The general rule of thumb is never to even try to outshine the bride: don’t drop news of your engagement/pregnancy/promotion during the weekend, don’t start going on about your trip to India for forty five minutes during the lingerie shower, don’t show up wearing ANYTHING more formal than the bride.
Having attended and stood in plenty of weddings where the bride was wearing the traditional white or off-white bridal gown, I have noticed that no one so much as bats an eyelash at a lady wearing a white linen suit or a knee-length white cotton dress. Respecting the bride is not a hard-and-fast set of rules, it’s an attitude that carries into your attire.
Sure, most people have more than one summer dress. But most people only go to a handful of formal events in the summer, and most of them are weddings. If I was getting married, and a friend of mine found a really cute white dress to wear to the wedding that looked good on her and made her feel good, I’d tell her to wear it. I mean, it’s not going to look like a bridal gown (and if someone wore something that looked like a bridal gown to a wedding, the issue is that person’s desperate need for attention, not the shade of the dress).
The point is, when I go shopping I want to buy the thing that I love, that makes me look the best. If that was a white cocktail dress, I’d want to wear it. And I’d hope my friend the bride would get that it was about me feeling pretty and good, not about taking away from her day.
Absolutely not. How is this even a question?
i totally agree with guest 15.
i was at a wedding last year where the bride wore the traditional white AND all the bride’s maids wore white also. There was no attention taken or mistake to be made who the bride was.
white is perfect for a wedding.
I think that cut is more of a concern than color and that attitude and actions are really what need to be in check to give the bride her special day.
I think it would be beautiful to have a ‘white only’ wedding but would fear the repercussions this could have.
my special day is this august and if anyone shows up wearing white i will kick that bitch out of the chapel.
joking.
if someone shows up wearing a full princess gown, no matter what shade i might be taken back a bit (if i even notice, with so many other things to worry about) but i would be worrying more about her mental wellness than losing the spotlight.
how stupid is it to care what color all your guests are wearing, as long as they try to look nice and feel comfortable, i’ll just be glad they are there to share in the celebration.
have any of the people who said how awful it is to wear white to a wedding ever actually been to a wedding? i mean they are usually a bit of a performance, the bride is the lead actress and the guests are the audience, no one even notices what everyone else is wearing during the ceremony, all eyes are on the bride. To upstage her you would have to wear something pretty loud or be in the aisle during the ceremony.
saying you can’t wear white to a wedding because it could upstage the bride is almost like saying you can’t wear leotards to a shakespearian play because you might upstage the actors.
No its not okay ! And I have already plannend out then when I get married there will seriously be some informal Bodyguard checking to see what everybodys wearing if someone shows up at my wedding in appropriate clothes or in a white dress. They will be politely escored to a room with other clothes wich they will be forced to wear or they can also leave. And thats my only bridezilla behavior for the day. DO your self a favour and just wear a other colour. Its just one frigging day and its really special to the couple why would you not obey the rules ?
No, because the bride probably has a grandmother or other relative who will be really upset.
A random friend wore a silver/ivory dress to my wedding. I didn’t care, but for the rest of her life my grandmother was incapable of hearing the word “wedding” without launching into a horrified offended diatribe about that “awful woman.” I’m not kidding, she never got over it.
absolutely not appropriate at all! this shouldn’t even be a question.
of the thousands of colors, you can stay away from the whites/creams for one night.
Last year I wore a white dress similar to the one in the picture above ad nobody gave my hell about it. I made sure that I had color, so I accented in long gold necklaces and left my hair loose. i don’t think I was being disrespectful. Wearing white also depends on how stuck up the people in the party are.
I think every OTHER rule like this is silly, but I have to say people should stick with this one. Wearing white to a wedding has been set up not just as something there is a rule about but also as a (passive) aggressive action. Frankly, considering everyone knows what people think about wearing white to someone’s wedding, I have a hard time believing that the person who still insists upon doing so isn’t at least subconsciously trying to sabotage, in some small way, the wedding, or possibly, considering the sh*t she must know she would take for it from other guest, herself. basically, if someone wore white to my wedding, I would not be worried about her ruining the wedding or stealing my thunder at all, but I would assume she either didn’t like me or was somewhat insane. Just not worth it considering how many awesome dresses there are in this world…
I’m from Europe where there is no such rule. I once wore cream to an American wedding–as a poor student, it was my only good dress. The alternative would have been jeans or a battered vintage dress. Nobody said a thing, except some rude woman who took it upon herself to lecture me (and I had no idea why–especially as she was not close to the bride). My only memory from that day is how rude she was to berate a stranger over what she was wearing (especially as it was years before I understood that this arcane rule existed). The bride didn’t care one bit about what I was wearing–and knew in advance (we were roommates).
I think it is a really stupid rule–a cream slip dress like mine from back then in no way mirrors a wedding dress. From what I’ve seen in recent years, it is thankfully widely ignored. How narcissistic can people be to delude themselves that another person in a regular white dress is trying to upstage a bride? It is so obvious that its not the case.
I think that this is a situational thing. I have friends who — love them, but — they might be offended by this. I also know people, like me, who couldn’t care less. Try and gauge what sort of wedding you’re attending, whether it’s really traditional, what the couple’s family is like, etc. before you do something like this.
I absolutely would not.
First of all, my wedding dress didn’t look like a wedding dress either. It was cocktail length.
Second of all, my mother in law showed up in a similar cocktail length white dress, and hers was Chanel. So yeah, I was pretty unhappy about that.
# 27, if your MIL showed up in something similar,white AND Chanel, she was trying to upstage you and you should be upset about it!
i personally want everyone at my wedding in gowns looking as fabulous as possible!
NO. NEVER OKAY. EVER.
Its not just a question of “upstaging the bride” its a question of tradition. Even if it’s not just “the bride’s day” i think its almost as inappropriate as dressing too casually. Sort of a respect thing.
I wouldn’t; not because I believe in the rule, but because other people do, and it’s inappropriate to flout tradition simply to demonstrate how edgy and non-traditional you are. Perhaps if, like, in the picture, white was the accent color with a colored jacket over it, then maybe.
I don’t know. I’m much more the type to be wearing red to a wedding.
so much of planning a wedding is obeying the stupid rules. the entire day is a series of orchestrated stupid rules. i’m a bride (june. typical, i know), and i just don’t think that when it’s all said and done and i’ve been forced to think about what color printing goes on the cocktail napkins and where to put the card box (card box? really), i should have to hear about someone else who decided to wear white.
an entire wedding is about the dumb rules, and why not follow them for one night? someone said it before, and i agree, it’s not me that would be particularly upset, but my grandmother, mother, and mother-in-law would all have plenty to say about it. and i hate family gatherings in which they repeat the same stories every year, which would undoubtedly be the case.
weddings are so planned out, and are so expensive (usually), so why do something that would just annoy people and get people talking? just enjoy the night, and wear black if you want to.
Listen, I agree that sometimes it’s rude to do something that you know will offend the bride or groom, mothers or grandmothers involved. But sometimes those people will be offended by anything. My friend’s grandmother basically actually yelled at me in front of half the wedding guests at my friends wedding, because I didn’t want to participate in the whole bouquet catching exercise. Sorry, but I find it ridiculous and I don’t care. But I was yelled at because I was a bridesmaid and Grandma thought I was being disrespectful and embarrassing.
Don’t give in to the wedding crazy culture! Rebel! Wear what you want! Marriage isn’t about being princess for a day, folks.
im not sure about other parts of the country, but here in the south it is still considered a massive social affront to wear white to a wedding, especially a nicer one.it wont just be the old ladies talking about you, it will be their twelve year old grandaughters who even at that age know better. the only thing more offensive would be to wear red…
i agree with #29, i want my wedding to be beautiful and i want all the guests to look AND feel fabulous. It will be a celebration of my marriage but i want everyone to be a part of it, anyone who wants to wear white is allowed, and if someone’s grandma starts complaining about it ruining the wedding i’ll say ‘no, your complaining is’ and if someone doesn’t want to try to catch the bouquet that would be okay too, though who needs a silly competition on such a day.
I think it’s a much bigger faux pas to criticize someone’s outfit to their face at any event than it is to wear an otherwise occasion-appropriate white dress to a wedding. And if a guest’s outfit, no matter how inappropriate, can ruin your wedding day for you then you have much bigger issues to deal with than fashion. I’d probably try to avoid white, just because I don’t particularly like causing controversy, but if the only nice thing I had to wear was a white dress I’d throw on a sweater and wear it. If the person getting married is really a friend, I would think they’d care more about your presence than what you’re wearing.
no no no no no no no no no. it is never never never ok to wear white. i don’t care if the bride is going down the aisle naked. while many of us aspiring fashionistas thirst for bending fashion “rules”, you’re at the wedding to celebrate the happy couple, not make your own personal statement. the main issue here is the logical one – is this white dress really so special that nothing else will do? the first thing that should come to your mind when even considering trying ON a white dress is: weddings are out. is nothing sacred?
All I know is my sister-in-law was very upset that a friend of hers wore a white dress (with a red shawl) to her wedding. I didn’t even notice. SIL’s dress was cream-colored, almost yellow.
I actually wore a black dress, and I ended up feeling very self-conscious all night, but my sil loved it. Go figure.
absolutely not.
an (ex) girl friend wore white to my best friend’s wedding. the wedding my bff planned for over 2 years because and meant a lot to her due to her own personal reasons. in know way did ex friend steal bff’s ‘thunder’ but it was downright inconsiderate.
I just wish it wasn’t considered morbid to wear black to a wedding. So many girls have more lbd’s in their closets than any other color, and yet you can’t wear that to a wedding. I end up wearing my only two formal non-black nice dresses, one long and one tea length, over and over again (as evidenced by facebook). And BTW, my wedding dress is a pale pink. So anyone who wishes to is welcome to wear white.
Even if the bride herself doesn’t mind, lots of other people will see a female guest wearing white as someone who is jealous of the bride and trying to steal the spotlight. (Wanna-be spotlight stealers are never successful by the way, just pitied…lol.) I’m not even saying it’s wrong. But, it’s just such a hokey thing to do. Lots of things that aren’t necessarily wrong are still in poor taste and at the end of the day that’s what separates the classy from the rest. Wedding guests are supposed to be there to support the couple. So, honestly, if there’s even a chance of offending the bride or her family WHY in the world would you go ahead and wear a white dress? Do you have no other options? Unless it’s the only dress in your wardrobe, there really is no excuse.
Erica
http://blog.African-AmericanBrides.com
http://twitter.com/cosmicgirlndc
I have more of a question than an opinion…I’m going to an afternoon wedding this Saturday. I was wanting to wear a pair of white suit pants with an aqua bluish top and a pair of tan/brownish colored heels. Inappropriate or not? It’s not a dress and I wouldn’t be in all white…just wanted a few opinions before I decide.
I never gave much thought to the rule about wearing white to a wedding, and if you had asked me before I got married if I would care if someone else wore white to my wedding, I probably would have said “no.” But then I actually got married. When my husband and I made our entrance to the reception (outside, on a lovely early June evening), the first thing I saw was a female friend of his dressed in a white, strapless, below-the-knee-length dress. I was a fairly laid-back, non-princessy bride, but it literally took the breath right out of me – my first crazy thought was “oh my gosh, there’s another bride here!” It didn’t ruin my wedding or anything, but it really was a shock. Is that the impact you’re looking to have as a wedding guest?
Number 25 – I’m also from Europe (England), I’m not sure which country you come from but in England it is still considered pretty bad form to wear all white/cream to a wedding, I would be pretty upset at my wedding if someone turned up in either colour. Why bother rocking the boat when you could choose any other colour under the sun?!
People in general should not be so insecure as to be offended by such things as the color of someone else dress. Are they neat and clean? Did they make an effort to look nice? Maybe it’s all they had. What is the big deal? A wedding dress is typically quite distinct and stands out; no one can upstage the bride. If someone had been nude at my wedding, I wouldn’t have noticed. I was only focused on my groom and the minister. Everything and everybody else was a backdrop.We should stop glorifying “bridezillas.” It’s ridiculous!
I have a wedding to go to in Spain in about a week and the dress code is very formal. The only thing I have is a marilyn monroe style cream halter-neck dress that is knee lengh. I have bought a black feathered fascinator and have a black handbag and shoes. The dress also has a black ribbon around the middle that ties in a bow at the back.
Please can someone (or everyone) give me an idea of if this is appropriate or not?
Thanks.
I say you absolutely should not wear white to a wedding as a guest. My husband’s ex-wife brought the kids to our wedding, and she showed up wearing a white tank mini-dress. Talk about tacky!