In Honor of the Series Finale Of The Hills, An Analysis of Tats On the Show

Ill-advised tattoos are a Young Hollywood tradition, and nowhere are they more plentiful than on the men of The Hills. For six seasons we've watched Lauren, Kristin and Audrina pine for dudes whose favorite outfits consist of board shorts and ink––not all of it pretty. On Tuesday, after the series finale on MTV, Brody, Justin Bobby and the rest will motorcycle off into the sunset. But these gentlemen have been permanently etched in the pop culture consciousness. They've marked up their abs and shoulders, and even convinced their lady friends to do the same. So which one committed the worst sins of the flesh?
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Ill-advised tattoos are a Young Hollywood tradition, and nowhere are they more plentiful than on the men of The Hills. For six seasons we've watched Lauren, Kristin and Audrina pine for dudes whose favorite outfits consist of board shorts and ink––not all of it pretty. On Tuesday, after the series finale on MTV, Brody, Justin Bobby and the rest will motorcycle off into the sunset. But these gentlemen have been permanently etched in the pop culture consciousness. They've marked up their abs and shoulders, and even convinced their lady friends to do the same. So which one committed the worst sins of the flesh?
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Ill-advised tattoos are a Young Hollywood tradition, and nowhere are they more plentiful than on the men of The Hills. For six seasons we've watched Lauren, Kristin and Audrina pine for dudes whose favorite outfits consist of board shorts and ink––not all of it pretty.

Tonight, after the series finale on MTV, Brody, Justin Bobby and the rest will motorcycle off into the sunset. But these gentlemen have been permanently etched in the pop culture consciousness. They've marked up their abs and shoulders, and even convinced their lady friends to do the same. So which one committed the worst sins of the flesh?

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Brody Jenner The biggest bro on The Hills seems worried we'll forget his name. "Jenner" runs in gothic script from his left armpit to his waist, and there are little Bs on his right wrist and hand. But at least these choices are straightforward and reflect his family pride. Where Brody runs into trouble is when he gets tattoos to match his girlfriends. He and Playboy playmate Jayde Nicole got matching inner-lip ink. Now he's apparently sporting Avril Lavigne's name on his left forearm, and she inked his under her right breast. Verdict: C+ (Tattoo can only be salvaged if next girlfriend is named April.)

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Jason Wahler Lauren Conrad's ex has plenty of problems, but an addiction to ink isn't one of them. He has a cross on his shoulder (spiritual!), a crown on his forearm (fancy!) and the swirly script under his left nipple is blessedly illegible. Compared to the times he's been in rehab, or the clink, his trips to the tattoo parlor have been few. Verdict: A- (Shows restraint conspicuously absent from his bar brawls.)

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Doug Reinhardt Doug Reinhardt has no visible tattoos. Downside: we guess he's not much of a badass. Upside: he's able to snag girls more famous than Lauren Conrad (see photographic evidence at left). Verdict: N/A (Never got in the game.)

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Ryan Cabrera We understand why Audrina lost interest in this spiky-haired rocker: she's not much of a reader. Cabrera is covered in words from Shakespeare, Charles Bukowski, and even a little Mitch Albom. High-fallutin'? Sure. But at least he doesn't have any of his own song lyrics imprinted on his skin. Plus, the words can get lost in the jumble. His right arm has entered sleeve territory, with depictions of enough musical figures to form a band. Oh, wait, there's already a band on his right wrist. The Beatles parade Abbey Road-style toward his guitar-strumming fingers. Verdict: C- (Trying too hard.)

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Justin "Justin Bobby" Brescia The motorcycle-riding model has gone from hobo-chic to slickster to the dude who hides in a hooded sweater in the middle of a crowded nightclub. He has "Brescia" written on his left bicep (A look he learned from Brody?), and his intriguing forearm tattoo of a pair of scissors suggests a sort of Levi's-does-"O Pioneers" itinerant hipster aesthetic. Or maybe it's just because he cuts hair. Then there's the word "Italia" on his stomach, which looks like something that would be painted on the hood of Snooki's Honda. Nice try, JB, but grunge and guido don't mix. Verdict: F (Aggravated assault against abs.)

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