Welcome back to @NoBtotheS‘s series on the suicide inducing habits of people in the fashion industry. (Editor’s note: If you’re not familiar with NoBtotheS, or No Bullshit, s/he is an anonymous fashion publicist working in New York City who’s famed for a hilarious Twitter account.)
Last week, No Bullshit took on Fashion Editors. This week, it’s PR clients, aka designers.
1. Oh- I didn’t realize you are a designer AND a publicist, too! We should both stick to what we do best; you design and I’ll handle the press. Accepting press opportunities before first discussing them with ME is just foolish! I am here, day in and day out, keeping your best interest at heart and one misguided placement could derail a year’s worth of strategic planning. Also, you’re giving me an ulcer.
2. Mistaking your publicist for personal assistant: Look, I didn’t slave my way to the position I’m in to be reduced to your PA. I work with editors on the top half of the masthead so I can get the press you want….DO NOT waste my time with pleas for dinner ressies at The Lion or Waverly Inn…get your 22 year old assistant to do that.
3. So… you’re not going to say ANYTHING about this amazing placement? When you get down to it, there are a handful of important titles and everything else is just filler. You should know and appreciate the difference. I’ve promised my first born more times than I am comfortable admitting for an item. Responding to a major clip by asking me about something completely unrelated is just rude. You don’t have to kiss my ass for doing my job but a simple “good work” on the major hits would go a heck of a long way.
4. Your lack of urgency: OK, so I realize that you are probably desensitized to my URGENT- PLS READ subject-lined emails, but I only do it out of sheer desperation. Invites that go out late and samples that never arrive mean missed press opportunities left, right and center. Don’t ask me why Vogue didn’t get look 19 and you missed the December cover when you didn’t read my email to send it in time for the shoot!
5. Great (unrealistic) expectations: Every PR and all of their clients want a feature in Vogue or Harper’s Bazaar. But, see, you have no news and your vacation home isn’t that cool… so let’s focus our energy elsewhere, shall we? Like Glamour or Marie Claire….
6. Show me some love… and free stuff: I am your greatest cheerleader and advocate, so why not offer me a percentage off wholesale? Or a free piece from the collection?!?! Doesn’t it make sense that your PR is WERQ-ing one of your pieces on the regular?! Loaning a piece here and there for shows and press appointments is not cutting it. Trust me, the items I have been gifted by designers remain the most cherished pieces in my closet.
7. Diva designers: So, I get that in order to “create” you must open up crazy parts of your brain and whatnot, but does that mean that you then have to close the part of your brain that governs logic and reasoning? Calling emergency PR meetings at 3am, disappearing for important licensee meetings and smuggling beer into press previews doesn’t make me think you’re creative so much as it makes me think you’re seriously unbalanced.
8. Your sales team is killing me: Were they hired with the express goal of driving me insane? Can’t we all just get along? (And, really, you can’t have a Barneys appointment EVERYTIME I need I something.) Your trunk show in Podunk, Wherever is not as important as me getting this look to Elle STAT.
9. Events: Otherwise known as the BANE of my existence. You never want to go to the events I want you to but you WILL stalk my life to get you into something you have NO BUSINESS attending. To add insult to injury, you make me escort you and I then need to spend the rest of the evening coercing photogs to take your picture. *shudder*
10. Fashion weAk: Don’t think the bouquet you sent afterward makes up for ANYTHING. From taking up an entire section for friends and family (otherwise known as deadbeats and nobodies) to deluding yourself into thinking Anna Wintour is attending. (We’ve been over this before. Unless you are one Oscar, Carolina, DVF, etc or part of the new guard like Jason, Alex, Prabal etc, Anna ain’t coming. It’s time to pick up the pieces and move on.)
Warning: Much like Jim Cramer on CNBC, the words of @NoBtotheS do not represent the opinion of Fashionista.com as a whole, although we do think they’re pretty hilarious.