Welcome back to @NoBtotheS‘s series on the suicide inducing habits of people in the fashion industry. (Editor’s note: If you’re not familiar with NoBtotheS, or No Bullshit, s/he is an anonymous fashion publicist working in New York City who’s famed for a hilarious Twitter account.)
I made my list, I checked it twice, I already know I’m naughty not nice…welcome to my holiday wish list.
1. To be shot by the legendary Bill Cunningham and featured in NY Times Style section. Mr. Cunningham, I’ve restrained myself in the past from diving in front of your lens. You’re so small and elderly I would hate to accidentally break your hip. This would only be doing both of us a favor!
2. For Joanna Hillman to attend a press preview. Period.
3. To share a leisurely lunch with two of my favorite foreign editors: Franca Sozzani and Carine Roitfeld. Oh, the stories they would tell! We would dish and drink and part as sisters.
4. Yeezy! All I want for Christmas is you! Or, rather, to sign you as my new client.
5. #HWSNBN to follow me. I don’t mind remaining blocked though.
6. For the willowy staff at Alison Brod to eat freely and wear a cute pair of brogues every now and again, should the mood strike.
7. To land a cover of Elle. Mr. Zee, we’ve come so close in the past!
8. For assistants with a fierce motivation to really step up to the plate, for my peers to pull their own weight on shared accounts, and for the boss to give me a bonus.
9. To establish a CFDA for publicists. Sure, it would be akin to the technical Oscars that no one really cares about but there are some very deserving PRs out there who should be recognized for their great work.
10. Speaking of Oscars, I would like a red carpet moment for my clients this year. Anne, Natalie, Nicole, Michelle–holler at your girl.
12. For Jessica Iredale to take Whitney Vargas’ position.
13. For Pina DelPercio to go back on maternity leave and for Jenny Feldman to come back from maternity leave.
14. For Kate Davidson Hudson to eat a sandwich.
15. For my editor crush Eugene Tong to wine and dine me–I’ve already made a ressie at The Lion.
16. For all of the No BS conspiracy theorists out there to give it a break already! Please see the below clip for further details:
17. For a rotating list of super stylists to dress me every morning. Patti Wilson, Arianne Phillips, Panos Yiapanis, Catherine Baba, Ty Hunter–you’ll all be hearing from me.
18. For Teen Vogue to remain as cool as it is now. Clearly not a teen, I remember years ago people giving me side eyes for reading it.
19. For The Daily to get a facelift in both appearance and content. You used to be great but now you’re a bit of a snooze…
20. For peace on earth and good will towards men. Don’t look at me that way! Even SCROOGE learned the true meaning of Christmas and the holiday spirit.
Warning: Much like Jim Cramer on CNBC, the words of @NoBtotheS do not represent the opinion of Fashionista.com as a whole, although we do think they’re pretty hilarious.