Turning Tricks for Treats: The Most Inappropriate Girls' Costumes on Sale this Halloween

Ah, Halloween... A night when college students, professionals, and celebrities can all dress like cheap hookers in public with little or no repercussions. It used to be that you had to wait, longingly, until you were a teenager to get all skankified. When I was little, my mom always forced me to weather-proof my Halloween costumes because it was “going to be really cold out.” (I must add that I was still the coolest Princess Jasmine ever with a beige turtleneck under my turquoise crop top.) But based on the costumes available to pre-adolescents today, times have seriously changed. Apparently, frost-bite is no longer a concern! Neither is looking like a child prostitute. A quick peruse through the myriad of specialty costume sites was enough to educate me on how the elementary and middle school set is now expected to celebrate Halloween. Some noteworthy info: No little girl's costume is complete without a microscopic tutu. Fishnets are perfectly appropriate children's wear and not at all suggestive. And female fire fighters wear shiny go-go boots. So without further ado, here's a list of some stand-out, pedo-friendly costumes for you to look out for in your neighborhood this October 31. If you thought those Pretty Woman and Dolly Parton outfits on Toddlers & Tiaras were appropriate and adorable, just wait until you've seen “Pretty Lil' Kitty” and “Tween Kimono Cutie Geisha”! You just wait.
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Nora Crotty
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Ah, Halloween... A night when college students, professionals, and celebrities can all dress like cheap hookers in public with little or no repercussions. It used to be that you had to wait, longingly, until you were a teenager to get all skankified. When I was little, my mom always forced me to weather-proof my Halloween costumes because it was “going to be really cold out.” (I must add that I was still the coolest Princess Jasmine ever with a beige turtleneck under my turquoise crop top.) But based on the costumes available to pre-adolescents today, times have seriously changed. Apparently, frost-bite is no longer a concern! Neither is looking like a child prostitute. A quick peruse through the myriad of specialty costume sites was enough to educate me on how the elementary and middle school set is now expected to celebrate Halloween. Some noteworthy info: No little girl's costume is complete without a microscopic tutu. Fishnets are perfectly appropriate children's wear and not at all suggestive. And female fire fighters wear shiny go-go boots. So without further ado, here's a list of some stand-out, pedo-friendly costumes for you to look out for in your neighborhood this October 31. If you thought those Pretty Woman and Dolly Parton outfits on Toddlers & Tiaras were appropriate and adorable, just wait until you've seen “Pretty Lil' Kitty” and “Tween Kimono Cutie Geisha”! You just wait.
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Ah, Halloween... A night when college students, professionals, and

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Devil / Angel

Classic halloween costumes gone skank. Unfortunately this "punk angel" costume doesn't include the platform stripper boots or gaping fishnets... but most pre-teens already own those, right?

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Ballerina / Cheerleader

The only costumes on this list that rightfully include tutus and short skirts... yet still manage to be extra creepy. Nice belly button.

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Geisha (really)

This costume is called "Tween Kimono Cutie Geisha." It's on sale for $20. 'Nuff said.

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Cat

Have you ever seen

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Police Officer / Fire Fighter

Halloween is a great opportunity for children to express their future career goals. These little cop and fire fighter costumes are excellent options for kids to pretend they're real-life strip-o-grams! When they ring your doorbell, just give them the candy and shoo them away quick.

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Hello Kitty

Is the one on the right even a costume? Who wears a shirt of yourself? The bows don't even match the skirt. Slutty

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Monster High

We had to look this one up. Apparently "Monster High" is a line of "fashion dolls" with huge eyes and small bodies based on fictional horror characters. Who have evolved into streetwalkers.

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Pirate

It used to be that pirates had peg legs and scary eyepatches. Now they don't have enough fabric to

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WTFs...

Morticia Adams in junior high, a corseted USA dirndl, and a "graffiti girl" who loves Internet lingo and

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Pilgrim Girl

I mean honestly... where are this child's parents?? Truly disgusting.