Diamond V-Fit Mask

You know that scene in Mean Girls where Lindsay Lohan’s Cady Heron character says, “I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently, there’s lot of things that can be wrong with your body”? That’s how I feel reading the product description for this mask.

Chin fat? Not having a V-shaped face? I didn’t know that these were afflictions! But apparently, there is an 8-step process to address these issues, which includes strapping this seatbelt-like contraption (with helpful holes cut out for your ears) around your face. My roommate gazed thoughtfully at this and said, “Well, I guess it’s like a bra for your face?”

And here’s a mask that Hannibal Lecter could have hissed, “Clarice” out of, while enjoying the purported benefits of an “elastic fibre containing germanium [that] deeply stimulates fat with heat, quickly burns fat and promotes circulation of the facial skin.”

Get it here.