Normal Dudes Try to Make Sense of the Menswear Shows, Are Hilarious

We spend most of our time covering womenswear so we delight in the menswear shows because designers tend to take much bigger risks on the runway. Pink lace up bikini briefs? Intricate bondage? Quirky colorful top hats? Koosh-ball-like head coverings? It was all there on the runways of London, Milan and Paris. So we had to know: What do "real" men think about these outrageous ensembles? To find out, we reached out to our friends in the media who aren't fashion-affiliated--like Daniel Edward Rose of The Observer, Jo Piazza of Current TV, who, while a lady it's true, admits she has the mindset of a 13-year-old boy, and Elie Mystal of our brother site Above the Law. But we didn't stop there: we hit the streets of NYC to poll all the men we could find about these crazy looks.
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Tyler McCall
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We spend most of our time covering womenswear so we delight in the menswear shows because designers tend to take much bigger risks on the runway. Pink lace up bikini briefs? Intricate bondage? Quirky colorful top hats? Koosh-ball-like head coverings? It was all there on the runways of London, Milan and Paris. So we had to know: What do "real" men think about these outrageous ensembles? To find out, we reached out to our friends in the media who aren't fashion-affiliated--like Daniel Edward Rose of The Observer, Jo Piazza of Current TV, who, while a lady it's true, admits she has the mindset of a 13-year-old boy, and Elie Mystal of our brother site Above the Law. But we didn't stop there: we hit the streets of NYC to poll all the men we could find about these crazy looks.
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We spend most of our time covering womenswear so we delight in the menswear shows because designers tend to take much bigger risks on the runway. Pink lace up bikini briefs? Intricate bondage? Quirky colorful top hats? Koosh-ball-like head coverings? It was all there on the runways of London, Milan and Paris.

So we had to know: What do "real" men think about these outrageous ensembles?

To find out, we reached out to our friends in the media who aren't fashion-affiliated--like Daniel Edward Rosen of The Observer, Jo Piazza of Current TV, who, while a lady it's true, admits she has the mindset of a 13-year-old boy, and Elie Mystal of our brother site Above the Law. But we didn't stop there: we hit the streets of NYC to poll all the men we could find about these crazy looks. Turns out men don't hold back when it comes to expressing their opinions of fashion. One man, an architect named Mark, went on a totally unprompted discourse about how bruises should be in fashion, citing Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong's habit of wearing black eyes as part of his "look." (Good news Mark! Bruises hit runway at Yohji Yamamoto just a few days later. How prescient!)

Click through to check out what these guys had to say about the latest, most over-the-top menswear looks straight off the runways!

Additional Reporting By: Morgan von Steen, Nora Crotty, Leah Chernikoff, Cheryl Wischhover

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"I never want to wear anything that would prevent me from having to defend my wife from a life or death situation against an attacker. You never want to be limited by your clothing when you have to defend your woman. Guy rule number one. Guy rule number two: you want to be always wearing something that if you had to play basketball immediately, you could do that. And this miniskirt doesn’t allow for those things. You’d be afraid of flashing." - Elie, Above the Law (pictured)

"If you're wearing leather, you are supposed to have a Harley Davidson between your legs." - Frank, 42, construction worker

"Because you never know when your chauffeur will have to leap into a kung-fu fight in a toga, or play a soccer match with those sweet shin-guards." - Matthew, 28, law associate

"This post-apocalyptic Scottish schoolbus is not going to drive itself." - Danny, 25, lawyer

"Milan & Paris fashion weeks look like a 3rd reich fantasy. Aryen shaved legs men sporting shorts. That shit got to stop." - This wasn't specifically about DSquared2, but we kinda think this tweet from A.P.C. founder Jean Touitou applies.

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"Why isn't the crotch see-through?... [And] that haircut--without the outfit--makes him look like a junkie." - Mark, 34, architect (pictured, right)

"Is this designed to be wearable? You would have to be able to wear that with a certain amount of swagger, in the right place and in the right environment." - Robin, 38, architect (pictured, left)

"It's like something from Bjork's garage sale." - Sean, 25, law clerk

Felix, 7: "This one is really weird, because a boy is wearing girls shoes!" Owen, 9: "And a purse, Felix." Felix: "Yes! A purse! And he's a boy."

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"If I was doing an art piece commenting on New Jersey fashion gone awry, I would wear that. It's like mafia at the beach. Like if a Soprano's star came out of the closet, that would be the outfit." - John, 37, comic (pictured, middle)

"Like something Vin Diesel would wear if he was tricked [into wearing it]. He's kind of B-List, so maybe he would want the attention." - Michael, 46, restaurant director (pictured, far right)

"If I saw somebody walking down the street wearing that I would cross the street to avoid him. He looks like he’s really on a mission of grave intent. Right? I mean, somebody killed his woman and he’s going to go get revenge. It’s been striped up because he had to battle already, like it’s halfway through the movie and his clothes are falling off because people have been clawing at him, but he’s on a fucking mission." - Elie, Above the Law

"He's like a Never-Nude. 'I'll understand ... more than you'll never know." - Sean, 25, legal clerk

"If those pecs come painted onto the shirt—Spencer's Gifts style—then sign me up." - Vinnie, 25, lawyer

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"[My husband] is very into fashion. He works with clothing. But I think that that one would be too special, I would laugh very loudly [if he wore it]." - Tanja, 24, about new husband Rasmus, 26 (pictured, from Copenhagen on their honeymoon)

"This looks like Julie Andrews made this, with the curtains, like The Sound of Music." - Elie, Above the Law

"So this designer is coming out with an MMA line?" - Vinnie, 25, lawyer

"Dust bunny breaks into a Diane Von Furtstenberg store, puts on 50 of her garments, then tells cop he's supposed to be there because he is 'Schmiane Schmon Schmurstenberg.'" - Daniel, The Observer

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"He just looks very hot. Not like, sexy hot, but literally, warm." - RJ, 32, interior designer (pictured, right)

"I would wear that as a party joke, if it was a fun party. I would be a jester from a king’s court." - Jonathan, 25, actor (pictured, left)

"Not a bad look, but I'd prefer it if all the ribbons were marked "PARTICIPATION AWARD." - Vinnie, 25, lawyer

"Hit this pinata too hard, and the prize he'll give you is his erection." - Daniel, The Observer

"Single White Male looking to hook up with the trash heap from Fraggle Rock." - Jo, Current TV

"From rags to bitches." - Danny, 24, student

"This guy looks like a homeless pigeon." - Elie, Above the Law

"It’s kind of like hobo chic." Shawn, 23, student

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"You could clean with your face!" Bradley, 26, tattoo assistant (pictured)

"I like the pants, but not the facial mop." Lou, 48, optometrist

"It’s the abominable dickhead!" - Bill, 19, musician

"The best bit about his get-up is that his pants legs are rolled up to his knees. Is the designer trying to convey that the face is a needless fashion accessory, and it's our shins that need highlighting? Or did this model simply escape from the trunk of the designer's Ford Taurus before he had any time to roll down the model's pant legs?" - Daniel, The Observer

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"This outfit takes me back to my youth—when I'd frequently wake up naked, cover myself in Budweiser 30 packs, and sprint." - Vinnie, 25, lawyer

"Ok, I actually like this one, it's just fratty enough to pull off." - Matthew, 28, legal associate

"I’m not a fan of the all-over everything super short Budweiser shorts. But I know a bunch of people who would probably wear that, probably to be ironic." - Tom, 25, skate shop

"Someone could wear that on opposite day." - Owen, 9

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"I mean, if I were an Egyptian, that looks like the type of thing you would wear circa 500 BC in some bathhouse next to the pyramids." - Tristan, 30, PhD candidate (pictured, right)

"If I were time traveling, and I didn't know if I were going 2000 years in the past or 3000 years in the future, this is definitely the outfit I'd wear." Vinnie, 25, lawyer

"The Prince of Persia insists on wearing his WWE championship belt wherever he goes." - Danny, 24, student

"If Xena the Warrior Princess and the WWE World Heavy Weight Champion had a love child and Justin Bieber was the godfather this would happen." - Jo, Current TV

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Felix, 7 (vehemently): "I don't like pink!" Owen, 9: "Well if some boys like pink and they like capes then they would probably wear it."

"Even Dracula is getting into awareness for breast cancer." - Danny, 24, student

"If Severus Snape were fighting for equal marriage, this is what he would wear." - Jo, Current TV

"It’s like Thom Browne meets Dracula kind of thing. It would be fine if they got rid of the cloak. But this is a thing I’ve been seeing a lot lately, this men’s cloak business." - Manoah, 27, PhD candidate

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"This is how Stella got her groove back." - Daniel, The Observer, (pictured)

"He doesn’t have any shoes on, I feel like that’s really important. When walking around like a normal dude, because you might have to run or jump or defend people from terrorists, you can’t do that with your bare feet. I don’t even understand what the shorts are, can you explain that to me? Is he wearing compression pants? Like, you can’t play ball in that, right? It’s like something Prince would wear, which is a problem. And I'm not convinced he isn't wearing the Batsuit underneath - but if you have abs like that, I don’t see why you would ever wear a shirt, right? You would just walk around and be like, “What’s up?” It’s raining, it’s snowing, snow is melting down your abs, people are getting excited about that." - Elie, Above the Law

"Just not practical for me at this point in my life. I'd definitely need my mom to iron it for me, and I only see her every other week." - Vinnie, 25, lawyer

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“The string would be too cold in winter.” Jordan, 31, account manager “Coming from Canada, it just isn’t practical.” – Kylie, 30, international development

"This is like a music video costume to me – like a T-Pain video." - Tomas, 23, graduate

"I'm thinking, 'Flava Flav!'" - Robert, 23, musician

"This is incredibly tragic to me – oh my god that is tragic!" - Nathan, 24, artist

"Same thing happened to me when I tried to install a ceiling fan by myself." - Sean, 25, legal clerk

"I could see a Spiderman evil character wearing this." - Luke, 22, tourist

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“The guy wearing the lobster is funny, I’m not sure I would wear the lobster.” Jeff, 39, software designer (pictured, right) "Maybe a shrimp." - Josh, 49, software designer (pictured, left) "I mean if I kept kosher, it would be against my religion, but I don’t, so I guess I could wear a shrimp or a lobster." - Jeff

"I like this. Finally something fashionable that appeals to the working class Maine lobstermen. They've been left out of the fold too long." - Sean, 25, legal clerk

"We live in really fucking crazy times and there are so many intense things we’re facing right now as humanity and I feel like a lobster on some semi-decent good looking guy’s chest isn’t saying much." - Nathan, 24, artist

“I mean, you’d start to smell after a while, right?” – Jordan, 31, account manager

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"When I look at this one, the first thing that comes to my mind is the 1950s. In Tanzania this is what police used to wear. Seriously. Shorts like that, socks, those kind of shoes, so an officer would wear it with that whole line, the long sleeves, so it takes me back. I see Tanzania 1950-60s." - William, 28, social worker (pictured)

"It will definitely fly in New York, Bushwick and hipsters and all that. That nerdy look has been growing there so I can see that.” - Darren, 26, online vendor

"This is strange, very Brooklyn." - Jeff, 39, software designer "Jeff lives in New Jersey. He doesn't see much of this in Jersey.” - Josh, 47, software designer

"Funny story: when I used to work in the courthouse I actually saw a groom get married in an outfit that looked extremely similar to this. Seriously! I promise! Dude had on a dress shirt, vest, tie, pleated shorts, dress shoes and knee-high dress socks. The whole outfit was pretty brightly colored too. And that was in Alabama ten years ago. Fashion week needs to get with the times." - Matthew, 28, legal associate

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"This outfit makes sense because you never know when something will fall on your head - like a meteor - and you're much safer with a spring built into your outfit." - Matthew, 28, legal associate (pictured)

"That goes over that [previous look]? That’s probably a good thing. I’m from the country, North Carolina, so I’m not even used to seeing this." Darren, 26, online vendor

"So that’s a piece of clothing? It looks like a sculpture – I thought this was a tableau. It’s very David Bowie." - Josh, 47, software designer

"This looks like that gag in movies and tv shows where people try to sneak in somewhere by looking like a background fixture." - Sean, 25, legal clerk

"I am literally speechless." - Jason, 32, photographer

"That looks like a pod, that’s a more relaxing view of the park.” - William, 28, social worker

“If a designer asked me to wear that, I would think he was crazy.” - Mackenzie, 19, model