7:45pm: Now let’s move up to the hard stuff at Helmut Lang, which promises fancy-sounding spirits and more desserts. Sip on those “spirits” while grooving to live performances from sure to be fashiony indie bands. Helmut Lang, 93 Mercer St (near Spring St)
8:15pm: Cupcake time! While you might be deterred from partaking in the sugary treat upon the sight of Ivanka Trump and a bunch of Trump Models, the frosted baked goods from Georgetown Cupcakes are irresistible–and very free. Ivanka Trump Fine Jewelry, 109 Mercer (between Spring and Prince Sts)
8:25pm: Perhaps you’re now seeking a savory bite, and a, well, more refined beverage. Drop into Parisian bag-master Jerome Dreyfuss where presumably very classy staffers will be “serving wine and hors d’oeuvres to guests.” Just don’t be sloppy. Jerome Dreyfuss, 475 Broome Street (at Greene)
8:40pm: You should be sufficiently buzzing on an alcohol and sugar high at this point, so mosey on over to the Stella McCartney Soho flagship. There, you’ll quaff some “Eco Mojitos”, which sound like they’ll quell your rising guilt over this evening’s depraved shopping and debauchery (wait, hope the “eco” doesn’t mean alcohol-free …). Then you can drunk design and buy your own Stella hand bag! Oopsies. Stella McCartney, 112 Greene St (near Prince St)
9:10pm: Even though the big draw over at DVF–aside from the shopping, of course–might be Danish singer Oh Land’s DJ set, more free cocktails and desserts ain’t too shabby either. The night is still young! DVF, 135 Wooster St (between Prince and W. Houston Sts)
9:40pm: All those beverages should have prepared you for this point: The Piperlime party with celeb stylist/fashion designer/otherwise multi-hyphenate Rachel Zoe. When she dropped by the Piperlime pop-up back in 2010, she practically caused a riot that nearly shut down Mercer Street, so just a heads up. You might need to down a few complimentary cocktails to get back to that fashion zen place. Piperlime, 121 Wooster Street (between Prince and Spring)
10:00pm: Most events are winding down at this point, so a novel idea: Let’s drop by Saturday’s again to round out the evening! Maybe the BBQ is still going and, wow, do you have a raging case of the champagne munchies.
*In Case of Emergency: If you’re in need of a caffeine boost (or some sobering up) between the hours of 7pm and 9pm, Taschen is serving up some free, hipster/coffee snob-approved Stumptown and desserty delights from Eleni’s New York. Taschen, 107 Greene St (between Spring and Prince Sts)