From Sesame Street to Lincoln Center: We Find Fashion Jobs for Muppets in Peril

'Cuz The Muppets gotta work too.
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Tyler McCall
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'Cuz The Muppets gotta work too.

Here at Fashionista, we try to keep our political coverage to what the candidates have on their back and not what they’ve got on their platform. We can’t stand idly by and watch, however, when the livelihood of our childhood friends over at Sesame Street is threatened. We probably don’t have to tell you which candidate mentioned giving Big Bird the axe, but since the occupants of America’s most famous street are wondering what might be next, we thought we’d figure out where they might find work within the fashion industry. From modelling to designing, we think these guys could take over! Could you deal with seeing a giant pink monster backstage? Read on to see what jobs we think these classic characters could land in fashion.

Photos: Jason Schmidt for Harper's Bazaar

Photos: Jason Schmidt for Harper's Bazaar

Big Bird: Model

Big Bird is basically the star of Sesame Street, and clocking in at 8’2, we think the best choice for the Bird would definitely be hitting the runways. He’s got all the charisma to work the catwalk, and check out that serious plumage! A bird of many talents, Big Bird can dance, roller skate, ice skate, and sing, so he can certainly nail down that model-slash thing. Plus he’s a big jokester, so we can see him hanging out with other model besties Cara Delevingne, Jourdan Dunn, and Karlie Kloss. Sure, at 6-years-old he’s a bit young for the Vogue Health Initiative, but since he’s been working for over 40 years, we think they can make an exception. Start working on that smize, Big Bird.

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Count von Count: Luxury Group CEO

Count von Count, the vampire/not-vampire (Sesame Street has never been clear on this point, but I mean look at the guy) obsessed with counting would make the perfect luxury group CEO. He’s a Count and he lives in a castle, which means he must have the money to invest in bringing heritage brands back up to speed. He’s got the playboy scene down – the Count has been linked with the Countess von Backwards, the Countess Dahling von Dahling, and Lady Two. Plus, think of all the things he could count as the head of a luxury group: money made, design houses in your stable, hostile takeovers. “10% of shares, 15% of shares, 30% of shares, BA HA HA HA!”

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Elmo: Stylist

Elmo, the three-and-a-half year old monster, is loud, outspoken and a self-styled “monsterista.” If you haven’t already, check out his closet (and sass!) on The Look. He has a huge imagination and loves to play dress up – perfect for any would-be stylist. He’s got a closet full of fun and custom made clothing to play around with, either for celeb clients or editorial shoots. We bet even super-stylist Rachel Zoe would die for access to that collection. Plus, he loves to speak about himself in the third person. Elmo loves!

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Oscar the Grouch: Fashion Critic

Listen, let’s be clear about one thing: We think Oscar the Grouch is just deeply misunderstood. The “Grouch” part of his name refers to his species, not necessarily his personality. Still, we think he’s got the right kind of “devil-may-care” attitude to be a fashion critic. Oscar doesn’t care if he makes friends, he just wants to do his job and be honest. We could definitely see Oscar being drawn into a spat or two with a designer after a particularly harsh review, but we very much doubt he’d be truly bothered by it. You might have to ditch the trash can though, Oscar.

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Cookie Monster: PR Rep

It’s no secret that when Cookie Monster loves something, he can’t stop talking about it (see: cookies). Ok, so he’s mainly fanatical about cookies. But when a new product comes around, he tends to be just as enthusiastic. Remember when he started eating fruits and veggies? He’s got loads of energy – maybe a sugar high? – so he can definitely handle all those social media outlets. We’re betting Cookie could handle a brand’s Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Pinterest and still have time to shoot a behind-the-scenes video of a fall ad campaign. And think about it: would you dare slap a giant blue monster? We think not. We can picture the latest tweet from @CookiePRMonster: “Me want spring’s hottest handbag!”

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Mr. Snuffleupagus: Hair/Make Up Artist

His name is a mouthful, but like any good creative person, Mr. Snuffleupagus (full name: Aloysius Snuffleupagus) goes simply by a nickname: Snuffy. With those giant eyelashes and that impressive mane there’s no way he doesn’t know his way around a palette and brush. His giant trunk would help him get models ready in just half the time of other artists, giving him a serious edge. Snuffy spent the first several years on Sesame Street as the invisible friend of Big Bird, which might sound familiar to any make up artist who has stood backstage as the models gets all the praise for being so beautiful. Well, we see you Snuffy, and we think you’ve got the creativity it takes to be the next Pat McGrath or Julien d’Ys.

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Bert and Ernie: Fashion Design Duo

Stefano and Domenico, Jack and Lazaro, Kate and Laura: Some of the coolest brands in the industry are designed by a duo. It would make perfect sense for this pair of best friends to team up on a line. Bert has got the serious, detail-oriented brain for the business side of things while Ernie has the imaginative, fun way of thinking totally suited for the creative end. Besides, they’ve lived together for over 40 years now, so they can probably finish each other sentences. Rubber ducky and pigeon prints could be the next big thing!

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Telly Monster: Photographer

Telly Monster, or just “Telly” for short, started out his life as a television-obsessed monster. Might as well put all that image-consumption to use! We bet Telly has got a brain filled with references for photo shoots. Telly’s also got an artist’s temperament, suffering from some pretty hardcore anxiety. Often worried and easily frustrated, Telly can also swing into moments of elation. Sounds like a photographer to us! Weird Telly fact: one of his “pet peeves” is Woody Allen movies. A little artistic jealousy, perhaps?

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Prairie Dawn: Fashion Editor

She may only be seven, but Prairie Dawn is already highly motivated – her lifelong dream is to work in journalism. She loves to write and direct school pageants for her friends, so it wouldn’t be a huge leap for her to write and direct a glossy. Prairie’s clothes are street-style blog ready (check those shiny Mary Janes!) and she’s got the Anna Wintour hairstyle down pat. We think she’s ready to take over during the next round of editorial music chairs.

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Grover: Intern

Grover is widely recognized as Sesame Street‘s most helpful character, which would make him one of the best interns this side of the Hearst lawsuit. And lest we forget, he’s got his very own superhero alter-ego, Super Grover. Not only will he remember that you take your no-whip soy half-caf cap at exactly 100 degrees with precisely 1 1/4 packets of Splenda (you swear you can taste the difference), he knows all the major PR contacts by heart and what day of the week to pick up your dry cleaning – and he does it without even asking. Impressive, no? Plus, Grover has had more jobs than any other monster on the street, so he’s qualified for any task you can throw at him – just be reasonable, he’s only a kid.