Steff Yotka:
A List of Thanks Yous to Everything Getting Me Through Frankenstorm 2012.

1. Thank you Dad for giving me these glow-sticks because Con Ed just called to say they may turn off the power.

2. Thank you Whole Foods for having nothing left in stock by the time I got there yesterday. Always important to stock up on your grocery list B-team because any actual necessities will be sold out by the time you get to the grocery store. I swung into Whole Foods yesterday at 5pm only to find they were sold out of water, bread, peanut butter, and strawberry jam. I now own whole wheat wraps, maple almond butter, and redcurrant preserves. Also at Whole Foods was Nicola Formichetti, in line behind me with a cart full of lotion.

3. Thank you Mud and Moishe’s Bake Shop for staying open during every “weather event.” I love you, your coffees, and your challah rolls.

4. Thank you to Mayor Mike Bloomberg for your continuing dedication to wearing zip-ups while giving serious speeches on weather emergencies. And thank you to Governor Chris Christie for wearing a zip-up that says “Chris Christie, Govenor” which I imagine is there just in case you forget or to rub it in our faces.

5. Thank you to my roommate Marc for still owning a Fischer-Price record player designer for ages 3 and up. Battery powered music!

6. Thank you Ikea for making putting together chairs an activity that will take me the duration of the storm to complete.

7. Thank you Mom for making me the scariest pumpkin on earth that will soon be staring me down with it’s pupil-less eyes from the eerie corner of my dark apartment. (Shameless plug: Please vote for my pumpkin in Ru Paul’s Drag Queen Pumpkin contest on Facebook. It’s called Pumpkin Spice, and yes, it is actually made out of Swarovski rhinestones taken off my ten-year-old dance costumes.)

8. Thank you to me for keeping my survival guide from Hurricane Irene handy.