I've never had much faith in tarot cards or fortune tellers--after all, my last palm reading involved the words "infertility" and "twin boys"--but I couldn't help but be intrigued when Victoria's Secret invited me to get my "love fortune" told by a lipstick-kiss fortune teller (yes, that's a job) in its monstrous Herald Square store. I mean, your lips are the window to your... mouth, aren't they?
Here's how it worked: I sat down with Sasha Nanus, a lipstick-kiss fortune teller who also dabbles in tarot. Nanus has been reading lips (though not in the traditional sense) for almost a decade. She developed the technique based on the idea of handwriting analysis after working with some cosmetics companies. I was game. After applying Victoria's Secret lipstick in "Color Drama" ("a dark color to match my energy"), I smushed my lips onto a small square card--and just like that, my fate was sealed.
"Wow," Nanus said as she examined the card. "I get a very sensual feel from your lips. That's the first thing I get. And see, it's not a very defined line," she said, pointing to the scribbly outside bits, "which says you have a lot of creativity. And the lines inside are very unusual. I get a real sense of uniqueness." Ok, I'll take that...
She continued, "Because it's kind of diffused on the edges, I feel like you're still growing, expanding. You're very open in terms of boundaries. You're not the kind of person who sticks within the lines; you're willing to go outside the box. You're curious. When someone says, 'Nora, don't go in that door,' you're like, 'Can't I just open it a little bit?' You're somebody who wants to know more. Would you say that's true about you?"
"Erm... I guess so? Maybe?" I cautiously agreed. This woman has the power to read lips. Who knows what else she's capable of?
But my lips weren't done talking. "See how your mouth is kinda closed here?" Nanus asked. "That says you can keep things private. (LOL.) You're not the type to spill the beans."
"Also," she went on, "there's a balance here. The top and bottom of your lip print is fairly even, so that says to me that you're someone balanced. Emotionally, you try to be very level, even clear, as opposed to like--'Ohmigod ohmigod!'"
It was then that I had to stop her--for, as anyone who ever known me or seen me from 3.4 miles distance could tell you, I am the queen of ohmigod ohmigod. [Ed.note: It's true.] But the experience was by no means a failure. I mean, look--I'm unique, creative, and oh la la, sensual! At least one person thinks I'm good at keeping things to myself, and even though I might open a door that ends up leading to an empty elevator shaft or something equally as terrifying someday, hey! At least I won't end up with twin boys. Maybe.