Want to see Kate Upton riding a horse while topless? Here ya go! Oh–you were expecting nipples? Sorry, not happening.
TMZ released a video yesterday subtly titled “Kate Upton SUPER TOPLESS … On a Horse,” claiming it was “taken during a recent modeling shoot” (according to Coed.com, the video was actually filmed during Upton’s 2012 shoot for Complex)–and it’s pretty much what it says on the tin.
For one minute and 11 seconds, you’ll see Upton sitting on a horse, giggling awkwardly, and eventually taking off her top to reveal… stars! Yes, Kate Upton has stars for nipples. Either that, or, for whatever reason, TMZ has decided to protect someone’s modesty for the first time ever–in particular, a swimsuit model whose decidedly un-star shaped nipples most people have had the joy of seeing countless time already–and peeps are mad. They’re furious. Gawker collected a sampling of the outrage already spewed across the Twittersphere and it’s pretty epic. Because if there’s one thing that infuriates the Internet more than anything, it’s censored nipples.
To be fair, TMZ is kind of being a dick about the whole thing. In addition to exposing the world to those celestial nipples, the online gossip rag released a separate video showing “Gary,” an apparently virginal TMZ employee viewing the original uncensored version. “My heart… hurts… Holy crap…” wheezes Gary, presumably in the throes of his very first arousal. It’s unfortunate that TMZ feels the need to shield the rest of the Internet from this kind of intense, unending pleasure. This is AMERICA goddamnit.
Watch the two videos below.