Neiman Marcus's Fantasy Holiday Catalog Is as Batshit as Ever

The holidays are right around the corner, so it's time to start making your wish lists. Luckily, Neiman Marcus just released its 2013 Christmas Book. And don't worry if you can't afford $1.8 million--there are plenty of gifts in the $30,000 range.
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The holidays are right around the corner, so it's time to start making your wish lists. Luckily, Neiman Marcus just released its 2013 Christmas Book. And don't worry if you can't afford $1.8 million--there are plenty of gifts in the $30,000 range.
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The holidays are right around the corner, so it's time to start making your wish lists. Luckily, Neiman Marcus just released its 2013 Christmas Book. This annual ode to one-percenters is always entertaining; past years' catalogs have included a $1.5 million Chiluhy sculpture and a Versailles-inspired chicken coop.

According to WWD, most of the fantasy gifts don't usually sell, except for the cars, like last year's McLaren 12C Spider, which "sold as quickly as the orders could be taken," according to Neiman Marcus reps. But that all changes this year--because there's a whole falconry set-up that is so Downton Abbey it is absolutely killing me. I bet there will be a bidding war on it. (Oh, and 10 percent of the proceeds from this year's fantasy gifts will go to support arts charities.)

Click through and start drafting those emails to Santa. And don't worry if you can't afford $1.8 million--there are plenty of gifts in the $30,000 range.

Photos: Courtesy Neiman Marcus

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Forevermark Ultimate Diamond Experience, $1.85 million:

This is sort of the vine-to-table approach that's so hot right now in the foodie world, except it involves a 25-carat diamond instead of locally grown kale. The proud owner of this 25-carat rough cut diamond will get to explore its journey from Africa to its place on her knuckle. You start in London at the Debeers headquarters, where you will meet your diamond, name it (I'd call it "Shine Bright"), and meet the craftsman who will cut and polish it. After that, you'll tour the Tower of London and the Crown Jewels, then hop on a boat to Namibia to see where it was sourced (spoiler: the ocean floor), then head back to New York to design your fantasy ring.

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Ultimate Outdoor Entertainment System, $1.5 million:

This giant TV and sound system emerges from the ground. As per the catalog: "As you marvel at this epic theater experience, you wonder how the two of you ever managed to enjoy at-home movies before now." Seriously, Netflix on the laptop is going to look like crap from now on. After you're done marveling as "your television emerges from its discreet, underground cache, telescoping upward and unfolding" you can watch one of 300 included movies. Neiman is also throwing in two iPad minis that function as remote controls.

I can't believe this doesn't come with a truffle butter popcorn maker, though. Also, do you think we could install this in Central Park? Because back yards come at a premium here in NYC.

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2014 Aston Martin Vanquish Volante, $344,500:

This car is probably already sold out, but here are the deets just in case. It's one of only 10 in the world, and can reach speeds up to 180 MPH. And it comes with a set of bespoke leather luggage. Perfect for a jaunt down the Jersey Shore.

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Bespoke Global Falconry Companion, $150,000:

No bird of mine will ever set its talons on any material less precious than gold, and Neiman Marcus totally gets that. This falconry package includes a 20-karat gold-plated perch, leather cases, leaded crystal decanters (drinking and hunting is okay in this situation because no guns are involved), a handmade backgammon board (falconry gets a little slow sometimes), hand-made gloves and an "exotic-skin hood," and furniture made by the same guy who makes the King of Jordan's furniture.

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Indian Larry's "Wild Child" Motorcycle, $750,000:

I frankly don't understand any of the technical motorcycle design elements that Neiman is hyping for this award-winning chopper designer's bike. It's just a f*cking cool bike, okay?

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Jeff Koons Dom Perignon Balloon Venus, $20,000:

It's balloon art (in polyurethane resin) based on pink champagne. "According to the artist, this version [of Venus], represents the link between past, present, and future vintages of Dom Pérignon, as well as the continuity of the human experience symbolized by Venus."

Exactly what I was thinking when I first saw it.

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The Glass House Experience, $30,000:

You get to stay overnight in this Philip Johnson-designed home in New Canaan, CT. Ten of your closest friends will come over for dinner prepared with locally-sourced ingredients. Please, tell them not to spill anything.

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Ciclotte, $11,000:

Watch out SoulCycle, there's a new bike in town. The Ciclotte is based on unicycles from the 1800s. It has 12 different resistance speeds and a ginormous wheel.

Fabulous home with pool not included.