We're Very Confused by These Jeffrey Campbell Platforms with Pizza on Them

Meet the cleverly-named Pizza High-Top Platform Sneaker.
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Nora Crotty
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Meet the cleverly-named Pizza High-Top Platform Sneaker.
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Have you ever been wearing a brand new, shiny pair of shoes, looked down at your feet, and thought, 'Man, the only thing that could make these kicks cooler is if someone came along and drop a slice of pepperoni pizza on top of them...'? Yes?

Well the talented folks over at Jeffrey Campbell have got just the shoe for you! Meet the cleverly-named Pizza High-Top Platform Sneaker. According to the product description on Urban Outfitters (where else?), the $215 sneaks feature a "mouth-watering appliqué" and 4.5" platforms. And this isn't your basic synthetic rendering of a pizza slice. This is full-on, floppy, drippy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon 'za--without the gluten, carbs, or karate-chopping rat. (ILU Splinter.)

Best of all, there's a handy zipper on the side--so you never have to remove the perfectly balanced pizza slice, even when you're taking off your shoes! ...Not that you'd ever want to. Looks like Kate Moss was right: Nothing tastes as good as wearing pizza on your shoes feels.

Seriously though, would you wear these? Would anyone?