Kate Moss turns 40 today. While it may sound horrifying to those of you born after 1990, here's the thing: 40 isn't so bad. As someone who has a bit of experience in this area -- two years' worth, as a matter of fact -- I'm here to tell you that 40 has a lot of advantages. You're more financially stable, people take you more seriously when you speak, you're more confident in everything from your style to your decision-making skills and you generally just give a lot less f*cks than you used to about what people think of you.
But. The physical changes aren't quite so empowering. While Kate no doubt has access to some of the best beauty and skin care gurus in the universe, I'm sure she'd still appreciate some insight about what to expect in her 40s. Since Kate Middleton probably really benefited from the new mom advice I gave her after Prince George was born, I thought I'd pass on some of my hard-won wisdom to Mossy as she enters a whole new world of sagging, weird hairs and never-ending hangovers.
Click through for all the things you can look forward to when you turn 40 (individual results may vary), as well as some product recommendations.
Contouring takes on a whole new meaning:
In the world of modeling, it's all about razor sharp cheekbones -- or faking it with bronzer and contouring tricks. But the word "contouring" takes on a whole new meaning once you hit your 40s. A few years, ago I started noticing that my cheeks looked a little more hollowed out, and I was totally into it. Woohoo, finally I have cheekbones! But it's because as you get older, your face loses volume, which eventually starts to visually age you. You can go the filler route, which dermatologists also call "contouring." (A new one called Voluma has derms quite excited because it lasts for two years.) If you're not into needles, your best bet is to use a lighter hand with the bronzer and contouring brush (or ditch it altogether) and concentrate instead on blush and highlighter. A makeup artist once told me that using blush is one of the quickest things you can do to make yourself look younger. That healthy glow tells everyone, "Why, yes, I am still nubile!"
• Tom Ford Cheek Color Blush, $56: Tom Ford understands how a grown-up lady wants to look, OK?
• NARS The Multiple, $39: Sure it's not an original suggestion, but this stick is a classic for a reason. Use as a blush, highlighter or lip tint.
• Smashbox Artificial Light Illuminating Lotion, $27: Mix this magic potion with foundation or lotion, or use it on its own for a youthful dewy glow.
Lipstick no longer sticks:
Kate did a lipstick collection for Rimmel London, so she might already know this, but wearing the stuff becomes a lot trickier in your 40s. You can no longer just swipe it on and run out the door, unless you want it migrating up to your nostrils within minutes. When it comes to your lips, aging adds insult to injury: You lose some volume and they also start sporting fine lines. These lines aren't really noticeable until you try to put on your favorite wine-colored lipstick. If you do not meticulously line lips beforehand (I'm a huge fan of using invisible liner), those fine lines act like channels which leach the color right off. A makeup artist also taught me to add a little pencil concealer around the outline of my mouth to keep that lipstick in its rightful place. Bottom line? Add another 10 minutes to your makeup routine, post-40 Kate.
• Make Up For Ever Lip Line Protector, $19: I preach this product to whoever will listen. Use it to fill in your whole lip, then put lipstick over it. I promise it won't budge.
• Maybelline ColorSensational Lip Liner in Clear, $4.95: No need to spend over $5 on something you won't even see.
• Urban Decay 24/7 Concealer Pencil, $19: I just trace my upper lip and cupid's bow and gently smudge. You shouldn't see the concealer, but it acts like a dam to keep your lip color in place.
Moisturizer will become your obsession:
My face has been on the greasy side for most of my life, and in my 20s I generally avoided all moisturizers like the plague. But seemingly overnight, my face has become a barren wasteland of pores begging for liquid sustenance.
Back in 2012, when she was still in her carefree 30s, Kate Moss told Marie Claire she uses Sisley Botanical Moisturizer with Cucumber. "After I wash my face, I use [it.] That's about it," she said. Eeeek, it's time to start adding a good serum and night cream to that monastic regimen. It makes an immediate difference. A dermatologist once told me that bad texture (dryness and flakiness) can age you more than wrinkles can.
• La Mer The Moisturizing Soft Cream, $155: The regular La Mer cream is way too rich for me, but this one is a revelation. It's hydrating and absorbs quickly.
• Clinique Superdefense Daily Defense Moisturizer SPF 20, $47: The brand new day cream has quickly found a place in my ever-growing skin care rotation. The texture is really creamy and blends in well. Makeup goes on pretty flawlessly over it.
• Dr. Brandt Do Not Age Transforming Pearl Serum, $150: Every time you squeeze the pump the little "pearls" in the bottle explode, giving you just enough serum for one dose and keeping the rest fresh. It's pretty rich, so on greasy days you could skip heavier moisturizer.
Dark spots will appear overnight:
It's now time to pay the tanning gods back, Kate. All those topless beach shoots and vacations lazing on yachts in St. Tropez are going to catch up with you. It seems like every time I wake up and take stock of my face in my magnifying mirror (PS: don't buy one of these, so depressing), I find some new weird dark spot on my face. They're not cute like freckles either. When I see one, I want to go back to my 16-year-old self and slap her smooth, perfect, lily white face for engaging in a baby oil tanning regimen that one summer. Luckily, there are many new dark spot products on the market. Also, just because those little buggers keep popping up doesn't mean I'm throwing in the towel. I'm currently wearing sunscreen and it's 35 degrees, cloudy and I'm indoors.
• SkinCeuticals Advanced Pigment Corrector, $90: This brand new product contains ellagic acid, a hot brightening ingredient used in Asia.
• Kate Somerville Complexion Correction Spot Reducing Concentrate, $48: This super gentle formula can help reverse sun damage.
• Supergoop Advanced Anti-Aging Eye Cream SPF 37, $45: I have a few annoying spots around my eyes, so I slather on this cream religiously before I go out every day.
Let's get real about your bikini line:
Kate has been naked hundreds, nay, thousands, of times, most recently in her "Yay, I'm turning 40!" Playboy spread. While it appears that she embraces a bit of bush, I'll let Cameron Diaz spell it out for you via her new tome, The Body Book: The Law Of Hunger, The Science Of Strength, And Other Ways To Love Your Amazing Body. She writes: "Also, let’s be honest: just like every other part of your body, your labia major is not immune to gravity. Do you really want a hairless vagina for the rest of your life?"
To quote Forrest Gump, "And that's all I'm going to say about that."
Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin:
Speaking of hair, thanks to a manly surge of testosterone in your 40s welcoming you to "premenopause," you may start getting what's known in crone circles as "hag hairs": little strays that suddenly pop up on your chin. My friend called me crying about this the other day, asking for miracle topical cures. Just pluck that shit out immediately. (OK, so the horrifying magnifying mirror may be useful in this situation.)
• Tweezerman Slant Tweezer, $22: Accept no substitute. These tweezers are exceptionally precise, and the company will even sharpen them for free for life.
Weight loss requires herculean efforts:
Kate is a supermodel. As such, she is naturally very slim, but eventually she may be dealing with the scourge of "middle age spread," aka a little pot belly. Over the last two years or so I've slowly gained almost 10 pounds and gone from wearing a bikini to googling "cute skirted swimsuits." In the past, if I've wanted to lose weight I could tweak a few dietary things and get back on track. I've been slowly giving up sugar and working out like an Olympian, but it's a much slower process than when I had to lose the freshman 15 or even my baby weight. And I'm not happy about it.
Try: Kate, I'm at a loss. If you know of anything that works, please let me know. You're the model, for god's sake!
Don't even think about doing tequila shots:
According to Modelinia, Kate is spending the week at Richard Branson's Necker Island compound to celebrate her birthday. Alcohol will surely be consumed, and while Kate probably, ahem, has a pretty good tolerance, all I can say is, beware. I can't really pinpoint when this started happening, but suddenly two glasses of wine give me the most wicked hangover the next day. No amount of greasy bacon sandwiches will cure it. And the hangovers seem to linger. Even two days later I'm not quite right.
Try: A wine spritzer instead of full strength.