Let's Talk About the Real Golden Globe Winners: Man Buns

They're kinda hot.
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Nora Crotty
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They're kinda hot.
Jared Leto, Alex Ebert, Joaquin Phoenix. Photos: Getty

Jared Leto, Alex Ebert, Joaquin Phoenix. Photos: Getty

The buns in the oven dressed in designer gowns may have been the big fashion story of the 2014 Golden Globes, but frankly -- and no offense Olivia Wilde, you're probably the hottest pregnant woman ever -- we were more interested in the other buns on the red carpet: MAN BUNS.

If three's a trend, this one's fully fledged. No fewer than three guys sported long hair tied up in knots at Sunday night's ceremony: Best Supporting Actor winner Jared Leto, Joaquin Phoenix and winner of Best Original Score, Alex Ebert -- each putting his own unique twist (hehe) on the look.

Let's start with Leto. The un-aging actor (this man is 42. Forty-freaking-two. Just let that sink in for a second) wore his luscious, dip-dyed locks -- I'm calling it hombre ombré -- slicked back into a mid-height bun with the tail extending loosely to the nape of his neck. It was slick, glorious and fash-pack approved. Lucky editor in chief Eva Chen tweeted that the bun was "more directional than many of the ladies on the red carpet. I can't decide if that's great or terrible." Um... how is that even a question?

Then there was Joaquin Phoenix, whose man bun was of the burgeoning variety: You almost had to do a double-take to confirm you weren't simply day-dreaming up its miraculous existence -- but sure enough, there it was. JP's baby bun was more rugged than Leto's, with the front bit parted not quite in the center and some flyaways that didn't completely make the cut. Photo research shows that Phoenix only started getting knot-y sometime in December -- and as a novice bun maker, we'd call his efforts impressive.

That Peter Pan collar really drives the look home. Photo: ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images

That Peter Pan collar really drives the look home. Photo: ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images

Of course, we've saved the granddaddy of all the Golden Globes daddy buns for last. That would be musician Alex Ebert's, whose intricate bouffant hairstyle was almost more of an award show-worthy updo. Personally, I had never heard of Ebert, who performs with bands Ima Robot and Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, before he took to the stage to accept an award for his work on All Is Lost. But let me tell ya: In my eyes, that bun put this man on the map.

It was a work of art, with tons of volume and texture and even a few mini claw clips stuck in there for good measure -- kind of like your hair the morning after you've gone to bed a little bit shwasted and couldn't be bothered deconstructing your 'do... only way more masculine and attractive in a Bedford Avenue dumpster diving sort of way. Overall, it worked. And just in time for #mcm!

Despite all the man buns' differences, they did share at least one commonality: Each wearer balanced the look with some fairly bristly beard growth, keeping the typically feminine style from getting a little too girly. Though, when you're Jared Leto, being pretty's just part of your curse. Poor thing.

So I'll leave you with this: Man buns -- a tasty treat for the boys, or a look that's best left for the ladies? Discuss amongst yourselves.