The Dos and Don'ts of Making it at the House of DVF, Episode 3

Including a veritable feast of fashion editor cameos and shade thrown by an Olsen twin.
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Including a veritable feast of fashion editor cameos and shade thrown by an Olsen twin.

After shedding misfit Codi once the real competition started (Rhianna and Coco, we hardly knew you), E!'s "House of DVF" went all out for episode three, which included the esteemed CFDA Awards and enough editor cameos to make even the biggest fashion geek squeal with joy. 

The drama starts early in the episode as mama bear-slash-competition overlord Diane von Furstenberg calls trouble-making Kier into her office for a tête à tête, resulting in the "bitch of the group" mindbogglingly scoring a coveted plus one to the CFDA Awards. All while the rest of the girls toil away at the studio -- mopping the floors and clearing cobwebs off of the showroom ceilings to prepare for the resort collection press day. (Seriously, isn't there maintenance staff for that?)

This week, the determining factor in who will walk away with the dreaded gift bag will be the girls' performance as public relations reps as they walk some of the biggest editors in the biz through the DVF resort collection. Cue the cringes and laughs (sorry, but Eva Chen's quizzical expressions were just priceless) and the biggest gift bag we've seen yet this season. Also, the easy solution to terrible contestant fashion? Make all of them wear DVF wrap dresses. 

Thank goodness they finally got the memo on over-accessorizing. Photo: E!

Thank goodness they finally got the memo on over-accessorizing. Photo: E!

So onto this week's lesson of the dos and don'ts to snagging the top spot as the DVF Brand Ambassador. Also, did I miss something or did they forget about that designing a wrap dress portion of this week's challenge?

DO

Be complex. Von Furstenberg wants to get to the bottom of why Kier is so hated amongst the group. So naturally, the she invites the busty blogger to the CFDA Awards, grants her a makeover (or under), AND, the cherry on top: offers her a ride in that sweet Rolls or Bentley or whatever the Diller-von Furstenberg family car is. You know, just to "scratch a little and find out why she’s a bitch,” as von Furstenberg explains. I bet that sweet, play-by-the-rules Amanda wishes she'd brought out the claws just a little bit.

Demonstrate your true skills. The rest of the girls are having their Cinderella moment back at the DVF showroom to prepare for the resort presentation and Tiffani scores herself an instant promotion from floor sweeper to "merchandiser" by schooling everyone on the right way to display flats and wedges. This also serves as a foreshadowing moment for Tiffani.

Go easy on the lipstick. Like many dos, this point also doubles as a don't wear bright lipstick rule, which Kier really should know by now. "Simplify, simplify," remember? Kier opts for a subtle, rosy lip hue for the awards — most likely a decision of the makeup artist's — and von Furstenberg approves. BUT the sharp-tongued designer can't resist a dig. “Better than the bright lipstick you wore today," she sniffs. Before the resort presentation, Kier brings up the lipstick dilemma with roomie and serial over-accessorizer Lenore, who is wisely applying, yet over-layering, a nude color. "DVF is all about simplicity. If she says take it off, take it off,” the wide-eyed Staten Island native says.

DON'T

Expect Jessica Joffe to comfort you during a meltdown. Von Furstenberg tasks style editor Jessica Joffe with dressing Kier for the CFDAs, starting with an appropriate gown for the occasion. Joffe appears none too thrilled with this task — honestly, the redhead looks like she's about to throw up at the start of the scene. And was it just me or did she look a teensy bit pleased when Kier, awkward in a cap-sleeve gown that she can't zip up, basically dissolves into tears. "It's not super flattering, either," Joffe observes about the dress, while possibly stifling a laugh. She backhandedly comforts Kier, whose mascara is dripping all over her face and melding into her bright red lipstick. "This is ridiculous, why are you wearing so much makeup?" Joffe purrs while wiping Kier's tears away. "This is daytime." 

Ask the Olsen Twins for an Instagram pic. Kudos to Kier for trying to make herself useful at the CFDA Awards, especially since von Furstenberg was busy schmoozing. She is the President of the CFDAs, after all, so there's no time to babysit her mentee during the evening. In between red carpet selfies and texting envy-inducing celeb pics to her fellow contestants, Kier also asks designers to pose for Instagram pics "for the blog." The famously low-key Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen aren't biting though, as their publicist bulldozes past Kier saying “We’re going to keep walking." And, Ashley totally gave Kier multiple stink-eye once-overs, which I had to watch in slo-mo again.

Unsurprisingly, Lenore is confused by the "keep it simple" concept. Photo: E!

Unsurprisingly, Lenore is confused by the "keep it simple" concept. Photo: E!

Have reality show contestants act as public relations staffers at a REAL LIFE press preview. This is more for von Furstenberg and her staff, who didn't really seem to properly prep the girls anyway. Von Furstenberg did say that having the girls walk real life editors — including Vanity Fair fashion market director Michael Carl (looking unamused), former Teen Vogue senior market fashion director Mary Kate Steinmiller and InStyle senior market editor Dana Avidan-Cohn — through the resort collection was a "risky" move. And she was right. (Although, the designer personally took care of New York Times fashion critic Vanessa Friedman, which was a smart move. Even reality TV has its limits.) Stefani Greenfield and DVF senior public relations director Chris Constable appear to give the girls a crash course in the basics of the collection, but seemed to have neglected two major points: equipping the girls with complete line sheets of pricing and release dates and, more importantly, briefing the girls on who the editors actually are. (Granted, this tutorial could have been left on the cutting room floor.)

How can you ignore this face? DVF is so going to bring the hammer down. Photo: E!

How can you ignore this face? DVF is so going to bring the hammer down. Photo: E!

Ignore Eric Wilson. I think I died a little bit inside when the InStyle fashion news director was waiting around by himself — ignored, but looking amused — while DVF tried to find someone to show him around. Wait, GOOGLE GLASS PRODUCT PLACEMENT ALERT!

Vanessa Friedman admires von Furstenberg's Google Glass. Photo: E!

Vanessa Friedman admires von Furstenberg's Google Glass. Photo: E!

Mistake Eva Chen for "just some Joe Schmo editor." The not-so-dream team of Lenore, Tiffani and Jinnah are tasked with walking Lucky editor-in-chief Eva Chen through the resort collection. I mean, if you want Chen to take you seriously, at least know that DVF doesn't make plain white t-shirts (lookin' at you, Tiffani) and do not ever think the editor of a shopping publication won't call you out on your mistake. As Jinnah says, "Eva Chen isn’t just some Joe Schmo editor. Eva is Anna Wintour’s golden child so you have to be on your A-game."

Talk about yourself too much when THE COLLECTION is the star. Fatal mistake, Tiffani. Eva Chen doesn't want to hear about your life story coming up from the Bronx or about your tats. She wants to know about caftans and wrap dresses when she's at a Diane von Furstenberg presentation. So, Tiffani is called up to the headmistress's office, but this time von Furstenberg is sitting on the steps, and not at her imposing desk, which bodes well for the contestant. In the end, the youngest of the group walks out with the ever-growing gift bag because she's "too green" and not ready for the ambassador job yet. However, von Furstenberg sees her potential in sales (and can't resist her resemblance to "a young Angelina Jolie"), so the designer offers Tiff a position in one of her retail stores — to start from the ground up. To sum it up, little Tiffani has a one up on all of her contestants; she scored herself a real honest to goodness JOB. And she got to keep the dress.

Until next week when we learn just how much Grey Goose Jinnah can drink straight from the bottle.