Oh hell, yes. Just in time for New York Fashion Week, "House of DVF" returned for a second season Sunday night, shortly after the real life the Diane von Furstenberg spring 2016 show. It began with bicoastal auditions, shall we call them, and mini-challenges to whittle the "applicants" down to seven young ladies (sorry, Jeremy): Cat, a "controversial" millennial; Chantal, a Vogue assistant with a weak stomach; Maytee, a model with a good backstory; Hanna Beth, a goth-y Instagram queen; Allie from the Valley; Cree, the psychic; and giggly Leigh.
Season two is off to a promising start considering that the Dos outnumber the Don'ts.
Have real fashion experience on your résumé. Maytee was a runway model, Jeremy sent Lupita Nyong'o a ring that she wore on the red carpet and Chantal is actually a legit jewelry assistant at Vogue. But Stefani Greenfield (DVF's creative brand director) did make Chantal swear that she would leave Vogue ("the mothership") for a chance to work at Diane von Furstenberg, which begs the question: Was it awkward when she saw Anna Wintour sitting front row at the DVF runway show?
Be willing to "experience a man." As in let a guy at least try to join the competition. "Just because I can't put on a wrap dress doesn’t mean I can't represent the brand," Jeremy pointed out, even though he didn't make the final cut.
Have a good story. Because you want to experience the full Jessica Joffe (DVF's style editor) facial expression evolution in a conversation, as seen above. At first, Joffe is bored by Maytee's backstory, until she drops the bombshell that she once weighed over 200 pounds. Joffe's hard, fashion industry-chilled heart is then warmed by Maytee's recollection of attending a DVF fashion show while in school. "I like her story," says von Furstenberg. "How she built herself from nothing to where she is now.” Then, there's Allie from the Valley who was freakin' born in an alley AND once sang backup for J. Lo. I mean, you just can't make that stuff up.
Be ballsy. "Diane's brand is so classic, but the cool girls are not wearing DVF," states Cat. "I think that DVF needs me to help them branch into a new demographic." Rather than getting offended, von Furstenberg respects the Bruno Mars stylist even more. "Cat is very bold. She's a little arrogant. I should go and work for her," DVF says.
Kiss ass. In New York, Cat clinched her spot after the photo inspiration challenge. "This is my favorite because I actually got to capture you. I looked at you and in that moment, I wanted to be you," she said as everyone threw up in their mouths a little bit. Meanwhile on the West Coast, Leigh gained brownie points with Joffe and Greenfield by showing up for her interview in a classic DVF wrap dress. "Wow, wrap dress," says a wide-eyed Greenfield. "Ding ding ding ding!"
Listen to the kids: Hanna Beth's 168,000 Instagram followers may have gotten her on the show. (DVF is trying to reach those finicky millennials after all.) "That would be good to have someone with a following already," advises von Furstenberg's adorable granddaughter Antonia. Even the designer's adult son-in-law Russell follows her.
Be afraid when DVF's assistant Ellen enters the shot. That's when you know a gift bag is about to be distributed.
Show as many gratuitous shots of Kendall Jenner as possible. Otherwise known as "synergy" with fellow members of the E! family. So does this mean we might even see an "I am Cait" crossover at some point? Caitlyn Jenner has worn DVF.
Forget to bring relevant materials to what's essentially a job interview. You know, résumé, portfolio or anything that might somehow document your work and skills. What doesn't count: a jacket you made in home ec in high school or a photo of you and your husband, even if he is cute.
Confuse Anna Wintour with Diane von Furstenberg. But, you know what — kudos to Cat for having the chutzpah to approach Wintour at the DVF show and ask an interview question. (From experience, I will say that can be pretty intimidating.) In an understandable moment of nervousness, Cat flubs up Wintour's name. "I'm Anna, she's DVF," purrs a smirky Wintour. "I'm pretty confident Anna liked me anyways," Cat reassures herself.
Overheat. In New York, Chantal started feeling flush backstage, which preceded her awkwardly timed vomit session. While in Los Angeles, a mix of nerves and the SoCal heat caused Allie from the Valley to start majorly sweating into a DVF gown. Hope they didn't put that back out on the floor.
Rely on your nonexistent psychic abilities to predict what Rachel Zoe will wear. Oh, Cree. You don't need psychic powers to know that Rachel Zoe NEVER SHOWS HER KNEES, EVER.
Discuss your children in anything but a positive manner. "Never mention your child and sacrifice together. Your child is a gift to you,” von Furstenberg says to Breagan before she kicks the single mother off the show. Also, during the auditions, Brittany asked if having a son affected her work life — isn't asking that in an actual job interview totally not allowed?
Wear a choker in front of Stefani Greenfield. Oh, Allie from the Valley. "Allie needs wardrobe therapy, but I can look beyond that because Allie's energy is contagious," says a charitable Greenfield. Did Allie not learn from Lenore's heinous neon yellow neck accessory in season one?
And if you need any reason to watch the rest of the "House of DVF" season two, I leave you with this gem:
"House of DVF" airs on Sundays at 10 pm ET/PT on E!