Ashish’s show program said it better than I ever could:

“Never one for subtlety, our heroine is dressed to kill (literally) with a wardrobe that reads like the greatest hits of a holiday brochure. She has a dress to match every cocktail shaken in the Panorama Bar [of the HMS Queen Camilla), and after one daquiri too many, you may well find her draped across the grand piano, resplendent in a hibiscus flowered sequined wrap.

“Her taste reflects her destinations, like a Satnov in sequins she wears a map of Italy with more finesse than a Berlusconi babe and in Paris she glitters, like a living Tour Eiffel, or her halter ego the Mona Lisa, but with added lip gloss…

“On shore there’s scant difference, shredded t-shirts pay homage to her heroine Bo Derek, and as an ardent Facebook devotee, she’ll frequently post images to her envious friends back home in sequined souvenir t-shirts - not that she even cares if she sees them again.”

And there you have it.

The Whitney Art Party’s on Wednesday night and we’ve gotten the first edition of the confirmed guest list.

Starlets and artists will be there in droves, but as far as models go, there’s Coco Rocha, Lydia Hearst, Dree Hemingway, Brooklyn Decker, Lisa Cant, Julie Henderson, Maggie Rizer, Selita Ebanks and Hilary Rhoda.

And of course, we have no idea what to wear, especially since the party’s sponsored by BCBG again which means all of their perfect little bodies will be swathed in Herve bandages with feet tucked into sky high heels. Because sure, no one’s looking at us, but it takes a serious outfit to guarantee we won’t hide in a corner under the weight of being anything less than 5’11 with long blond hair and the perfect Rick Owens leather jacket.

So, should we follow in the footsteps of last year with a long vintage floral number, flat sandals and little effort? Or, is it time to step it up with something a bit smaller and louder? If only we had this in our closet.

That Girl: So Juliette Lewis might not be starring in that Erin Fetherston flick, but red-haired Columbia kid and musician Reni Lane is. {Nylon}

Chanel-o: Karen Elson’s already shot Chanel’s Cruise ads with Baptiste Giabiconi and Karl behind the camera. She’s got the wig, the high waisted not-pants and the jewels. We’re jealous. {Modelinia}

Goodie-Nude-Shoes: Around this time of year we consistently wish we could change the shade of half the shoes in our closet from black to nude. So for your shopping wish list, enjoy. {FabSugar}

Just in case you missed these images from the official Save Fashion campaign - we’d thought we’d give you a closer look.

Chadwick Tyler (thanks to Office of Air) shot Lisa Cant, Elena Melnik & Co. for Refinery29’s month long pop-up shop dedicated to helping ease a few of New York’s independent designers through this economic mess. Piera Gelardi, Refinery’s Style & Art Director co-art directed the campaign which was styled by Emily Eisen.

Ready for steeply discounted Rag & Bone, Cat Holstein and Lorick? Thought so - see you at 41st and 8th on Friday!

Chadwick Tyler, the New York-based photographer who’s shot for NYLON, Tank, V and so many others, has landed his first photography exhibit.

Tiberius, which runs at the Honey Space Gallery from February 10th to March 12th, features Tyler’s work with 52 models, all in black and white portraits, and all sure to be hauntingly beautiful (read: Some will love it; Some will think it’s too creepy to appear outside of a Korean horror film.)

The models, all females with the exception of Tyler Riggs, range from the super known to the totally unknown, including Iekeliene, Maggie Rizer, Imogen Morris Clarke and Karlie Kloss (full model list, and a couple images, after the jump.)

Since the exhibit features so many runways girls and opens two nights before the first Fall 09 shows, we’re considering the opening night like the movie trailer for Fashion Week, so make it out if you’re in town!

It is with excitement and delight that we report the following news:

18-year-old Ali Michael is the new face of Coach.

The Texan shot their Fall ‘09 campaign last week, with a salary reported at around $50,000 for a day’s worth of work.

That’s about 150 Coach bags, or like 1500 if you buy them on Canal Street (but obviously, you shouldn’t do that).

Ali follows Lisa Cant, Caroline Winberg, and Mandy Moore as previous faces of Coach.

But… you know… much, much cooler.

This just in, at WWD:

Gibo SpA’s bring back editor favorite Rochas - which P&G killed a couple years ago after the Fall 06 collection - with the first full collection set to bow in March.

No word yet on who’s set to be the head designer (and no idea whether Olivier can fit it into his schedule at Nina Ricci), but here’s an excerpt of a crazed e-mail we just got from Brett:

Alessandra Fachinetti? Anyone? easy transition from Valentino. Plus, Gibo’s Italian.

Will it look like Olivier’s work? because his is the most recognized, or will it look like whatever it looked like 40 years ago?

Or will it look like Gucci so they can actually make money? What does a Rochas handbag look like that isn’t a violin case?

And how can it work now in the worst economic climate ever, but not four years ago when everyone wanted to spend?

Thoughts?

And, scene.

The New York Times has a cryptic quiz online today, a sort of test to answer the big question, “Why are the models scowling?”

Among the answers guessed by readers…

“It cannot possibly be that by smiling, the models think it makes their faces look fatter. Can it?”

“Smiling represent the desire to please, and pleasing is a strategy for social success that smaller, less attractive people use.”

“I’m going to guess that it has something to do with lack of personality.”

“Smiling is a submissive gesture. Haute couture is all about power and exclusivity.”

“THE DESIGNER HAS TOLD THEM, NO SMILE ON THE RUNWAY!”

“The models are scowling because their hungry, thats pretty obvious.”

A note on that last explanation - Virginia Heffernan recently wrote in The Times Magazine on the loss of humor in anorexia patients (actually, it was about how sitcom writers are usually overweight, but that was in there). We genuinely don’t believe most models are anorexic, but during Fashion Week, they are certainly tired and often hungry from working such long hours.

The answer to this mystery won’t appear on the Times site until tomorrow, but at least now we can ponder - again - why the smiling models at Michael Kors looked so odd.

Henry Holland’s first full collection debuted in London yesterday, after much speculation about the designer’s new model slogans. Your favorites: LISA CANT - OH YES SHE CAN… IRINA IRINA, PRIMA BALLERINA… and WHAM BAM JESSICA STAM!

The actual runway was a bit more wordy. Here’s what it said (and take note, the rhymes work much better when you say them in a Manchester accent)…

I’VE GOT MORE THAN A HANDFUL FOR NAOMI CAMPBELL… FLICK YER BEAN FOR AGYNESS DEYN… LET’S PLAY NAKED TWISTER, LINDA EVANGELISTA… MY FLY’S UNDONE, LILY DONALDSON, and one that’s a little too rumpled to read, but it looks like it says LOVE MY WEINER, IKELEINE…

Excellent, Henry!

Also, fast fact: in their first official London Fashion Week gig, the MisShapes DJed the show… therefore, the next batch of shirts could say ANGELS HARK FOR LEIGH LEZARK… FICKLE TICKLE GEORDON NICOL… ALL HEARTS FLY FOR THE OTHER GUY… right?

Getting into Heatherette may have been hard, but backstage at the Tent last night was strangely serene. Amanda Lepore climbed quietly into her tutu; Lydia Hearst cooed over her red ruby slippers (Louboutins, obvs); Lisa Cant whooshed through hair, makeup, and a star struck beauty editor from Teen Vogue.

At least, that was before someone said “Britney,” and then came chaos.

Richie Rich wheeled backstage in pink roller skates; zooming steadily into Robert Verdi’s microphone. Sidekicks buzzed with the same news - Paris is coming; find an outfit! No wait, Paris is really sick with the flu; so sorry she can’t make it! - glitter spilled on M.A.C counters, assistants scattered to the exits.

“What size is Britney?!” screamed a stylist, and some models started laughing. Alas, she never came - she missed her swirly psychedelic dress; she missed the six-year-old ballerinas who danced down the runway; she missed the Danity Kane girls hum Somewhere Over the Rainbow; she missed a boustier made of plastic googly eyes and a new shoe collection that’s weirdly wearable and really quite hot.

Did we miss Britney? No way - we were having too much fun. Click below to check out the beautiful madness…