It’s a good thing the Victoria’s Secret fashion show will be on TV in a couple of days, because I’m not really sure how to describe it.

Something like, “At last night’s Victoria’s Secret show, naked women, but for $3 million bras and tweed bustles, walked down a triangular runway, around the Black Eyed Peas who performed with mimes and trapeze artists, in front of a diverse front row including Jay-Z, Carine Roitfeld, Michelle Trachtenberg, Dr. Dre, Patricia Field and Sir Richard Branson. The giant blow up dog that blew up out of the floor at the start of Pink section took our breath away and we left the Armory covered in glitter,” would be a good start.

It was sort of like fashion Disneyland; there were lasers and dancers, people were in the sky, wings were made out of balloons, Fergie was actually great and the whole production made a Chanel show look like it’s put together by a high school stage crew (a really talented one, sure).

If there’d been clothing, I’d say it was the most fun I’ve ever had at a fashion show.

I got stuck in the pit at Stella McCartney’s show this morning - I should land there more often.

My pictures aren’t blurry! And I was smack in the middle of the PR scramble which went something like this, “Kanye said he wants coffee with “mad” cream and sugar.”

“No way. The show’s about to start.”

“I thought Beth Ditto was coming.”

“She is.”

“But they gave her seat to Kanye’s girlfriend.”

“Where’s her dad?”

“Kanye’s girlfriend’s dad?”

“No! Stella’s!”

“Shit!”

And so on and so on until finally everyone who needed to squeeze into the front row - Kanye, his McQueen-wearing girlfriend, Pink, Beth Ditto, Thandie Newton, Twiggy, Paul McCartney & his girlfriend, Salma Hayek, Francois Pinault - sandwiched between Ingrid Sischy and Jefferson Hack.

Stella’s stellar Spring collection was hard to beat. For Fall, you’re already set if you own a slinky negligee or floral slip. A boxy masculine coat with a skinny belt would help, too. What you don’t have is the only thing that kept the clothes from looking ten years older than Stella’s usually do - the full leg faux-leather boots. They had me gasping for air, prompted Rachel Zoe’s assistant Brad to say, “Bet they’re made from potatoes and mashed up cauliflower,” and will be every vegan’s dream answer to next season’s number one trend.

Meanwhile Lara Stone wore an unfortunate velvet sack and the silver tinsel from Raquel’s closing coat fell off and floated through the air while she stormed down the runway.

But it was a Stella McCartney show, which means everyone leaves with a smile.