St. John has cooked up a treat for Park Avenue ladies everywhere. The company’s launched an online-only trunk show for a new, smaller collection that starts today, lasting until March 18, with in-store sales set for the upcoming months.

The all-black capsule line consists of the same silhouettes St. John is famous for, and is available alongside their normal offerings on SJK.com.

We can’t get into the fact that it’s all the same price point as their normal line, which would be like Prada reissuing a dress, but in black, and for about a dollar less under another name. Instead, we’ll focus on the fact that this new line is called Caviar.

We think Juicy’s people should contact St. John immediately and demand the name for themselves - because you know it would be perfect for their inevitable, grown-up line.

—CARSON GRIFFITH

You didn’t think Carried died with the movie, did you?

Because if you did, you might be so glad to know she’s back - but younger.

Candace Bushnell and Harper Collins have teamed up to bring you, The Carrie Diaries, a two-book deal that explores Carrie’s life as a teenager, and the series of horrible, awkward dates she went on and the cute, but slightly stupid boy from her geometry class that she pined endlessly for in between scenes in Theater.

The books come out in 2010, sure to be followed by that replacement to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Darren Star’s been praying for.

Hold on to your Maddens, girls!

Lately, there are a lot of invites to events flying around that make us go, “huh?” And sometimes, they actually make us go “ew”:

ELLE’s sponsoring a Fashion Week show at the Metropolitan Pavilion on the 9th. The show’s being “curated” by LA boutique Dash, the children’s boutique Smooch, and the whole thing’s being hosted by Khloe Kardashian, to no doubt be filmed for her family’s reality show.

The event’s the same date as the second episode of Stylista, at 10am.

But somehow, we expect Anne Slowey to be at Badgley Mischka instead.

“I need some new sti-le-ttos, Can’t walk, down the street in those. You are, who you wear, it’s true. A girl’s just as hot as the shoes she choose. FASHION, put it all on meh, don’t you wanna see these clothes on meh?” - Heidi Montag, in her new single, Fashion.

This just in from Milan:

According to a hospitalized eye-witness at the Tom Ford party in Italy, one of the spotlights came crashing down at the bash, landing square on the head of a former male model.

He was shipped to l’ospedale, informed he needed stitches, and given some really good painkillers.

Meanwhile, according to the boy with the split skull, Tom’s “people” phoned him the next morning to ask how he was doing, saying Tom wanted to know.

If it were us, we would have responded, “Well, we’d be feeling a lot better if we could star in your next ad campaign,” but you know, that could just be our massive headache talking.

We send a big Get Well Soon to the wounded party, and also to the PR team in charge of the fête.

Dear Desperate Fashion Publicists (again),

Believe it or not, we’re aware that the Sex and the City movie is now in theaters.

And even more shocking, we don’t really care what the girls are wearing.

Okay, that’s not quite true - we do care that Carrie rocks a lot of Vivienne Westwood and that Charlotte has a good run in some Oscar maternity dresses.

What we don’t care about are the clothes you say “can help you get the SATC look!”

Because if the clothes aren’t massively expensive, stamped with a Fendi or a Chanel logo, and / or equipped with a five inch stiletto heel, then no, they can’t help you be “The Samantha” or “The Charlotte.”

Who are, by the way, fictional characters from a biting satire. That maybe you don’t want to look like. Or act like. Or think about, once you’ve seen the silly three-hour movie (which yes, we all did).

Also, quick note:

It’s Patricia Field, not Patricia Fields. And she’s really cool, but again, if she didn’t design your clothes or pick out your clothes, then you can’t say it’s a look from her!

xoxo Fashionista.

Reader Christopher is either excited or repulsed by the following news:

Hilary Swank has signed on to produce a movie version of the spectacularly bad Falling Out of Fashion, the first (and hopefully only) novel by Karen Yampolsky, the former executive assistant of Jane Pratt.

The book is a thinly veiled and thinly written account of Jane Magazine, specifically the months of transition from Jane to the new (and last) editor, Brandon Holley.

Gawker had a smackingly satisfying round-up of the book, which you can read for yourself.

Meanwhile, Variety hints that Swank may also star in the movie, which is… um… silly. It’s so silly it’ll probably make a lot of money.

We fully admit we watched Living Lohan last night, and it was about on par with the latest Indiana Jones: Poorly planned, gleefully great when it wasn’t paying attention, and ultimately better with alcohol.

But as Dinah Lohan constantly Googled herself, and the show’s producers considered it a plot point, we noticed something awful:

Dinah was wearing black nail polish.

Her young but leathery daughter Ali was also wearing black nail polish.

Their rock solid assistant, whose sole job it seemed was to keep Googling the Lohans, wore black nail polish, too.

And so we knew, it’s officially over. Like Kristen Johnson plunging from the window in the best Sex and the City episode ever, this was “the end of an era”:

Black nail polish is dead.

But keep your bottles around, so you can coat silver barrettes, Tory Burch logos, and Prada sandal stones black, to make them cooler…

PS: The graphic at left is from Hollywood Grind. It has nothing to do with this article, except it shows Lindsay at age fourteen, and Ali at age fourteen. Odd how Ali looks like the older sister, isn’t it?

We know Urban Outfitters sometimes makes shirts with stupid sayings, but this one really takes the cake -

The mega-chain had to halt sales of a certain new tee after pretty much everybody reacted in outrage.

The shirt features a Palestinian boy (which can be deduced by the Palestinian flag and map of Palestinian territories next to him), crouched, holding a large gun with a couple friends behind him doing the same, with the word “Victimized” beneath him, and “Fresh Jive” above him (the shirt was actually designed by Fresh Jive, a company out of LA), and a white dove near the top.

Urban has come out and said that they didn’t mean to upset anyone, and have pulled the shirt from shelves and their website completely. Fresh Jive has this response to criticism on their site.

But no word on why they apparently thought this was funny or ironic or whatever they thought in the first place.

While everyone continues to try and guess whether Nina Garcia just happened to be hanging out at the Hearst building yesterday, or if she is in fact being courted by Harper’s Bazaar, we offer some more fun Nina news to brighten your morning -

The former ELLE Fashion Director has partnered with Step Up Women’s Network and Bayer to bring us another kind of design contest for which (we’re guessing) she’ll be a judge - the “YAZ: Step Up and Go Beyond” contest.

Yep, that YAZ.

The contestant who can best redesign what Nina calls, “an iconic accessory,” the little plastic cases that house birth control pills, wins $10,000 to invest in a future career in design. You can enter until June 30, and the winner will be announced around Fashion Week this September.

Nina thinks the winner should be able to redesign the birth control case that Duane Reade gives out for free into “a chic, more sophisticated carrying case that they could slip into their purses” because apparently all women are secretly yearning to eye up each other’s plastic pill packs.

You heard it here first - Lutera’s so out for S/S ‘09.

We’re all for Sex and the City spoilers, but MySpace comments?

Not so much.

So imagine our “oh ick” moment this morning, when the official Sex and the City MySpace left us a comment - a giant photo of SJP eating pizza that said, “Hey, it’s Carrie. Need to talk about Big. Maybe over pizza?”

Maybe over our puking bodies?

Of course we’d expect a major motion picture to have its own MySpace. It’s just the pretending-they’re-Carrie and the leaving-pizza-comments that gets a little out of hand.

So although we’re thrilled to see the movie when it finally premieres, here’s what we’re going to tell this silly MySpace campaign:

We’re just not that into you.

Well, now it seems that Sasha Pivovarova isn’t the only Sasha in the fashion world.

This weekend, Variety ran a small but smirky story about Sacha Baron Cohen, the artist formerly known as Borat (and also Ali G, yo!), whose latest prank is playing Bruno, a flamboyantly gay fashion reporter from an unknown chiffon wonderland.

According to the Hollywood trade paper, several odd incidents involving a foreign fashion writer have been written up in local crime logs and also reported by regional Associated Press bureaus.

Looks like he’s got everyone fooled, though it’s not like he’s made a trip to Fashion Week.

Meanwhile, girls around the country are hoping Borat’s wife, Isla Fisher, is part of this whole practical joke, and that’s why she’s wearing the stupidest outfit ever for her next movie, Shopaholic.

Sadly, it doesn’t seem to be a prank.

We know Louis Vuitton is the king of putting their logo on everything under the sun, but this one takes the gâteau -

In honor of White Day in Japan (kind of like Valentine’s Day, except you can only give gifts that are white,) Louis Vuitton is offering white fabric roses - with the LV logo printed on a petal.

We’re not sure if they’re trying to take credit for having designed the roses (we’re pretty sure the shape of these was a no-brainer,) or if they think the logo somehow makes them LV-approved, but we can’t imagine anyone foolish enough to part with $39 for each one of these things when white bunny-shaped marshmallows from Kraft are so readily available these days.

To us, this makes about as much sense as a double C-monogrammed ice cream cone or D&G fake nails.

Can anyone please explain?

What’s worse than the pun in this title?

The fact that Crocs has released their own phone accessory.

It’s called the Croc-o-Dial (seriously!) and it’s designed to protect your phone from getting knocked around and breaking.

The case will retail for about $30 and also has a flat-backed panel to hold credit cards, drivers licenses, and notes of apology for buying anything connected to Crocs.

Fortunately, it’s only available in Europe…

For now.

We hear from a TV source that the very silly Cashmere Mafia has been laid to rest.

If the internal gossip bleeding proves true, it means Candace Bushnell has won this battle with Darren Starr - remember, both her Lipstick Jungle show and Darren’s woolly production are based on previous Bushnell books.

The move also marks the first time (maybe) that Patricia Field hasn’t been able to save or at least salvage a production from total boredom - remember her costumes for Hope and Faith? They basically rescued the whole show.

Those wondering what Lucy Liu will do with her spare time might jet over to Germany, where the actress is giving an exhibit of her paintings next month.

Maybe she and Iekeleine can have a joint show at Gagosian?

And they made YouTube videos about it!

We know we shouldn’t be laughing so hard, but oh, we totally are.

Guess if you’re going to put your self at risk for another night in jail, it should only be for the muse of Chanel and Balenciaga?

“How long is it going to take for greeting card technology to enter the luxury market so bags can sing “Prada! Prada!” when opened?” - reader FWD, yesterday, on people who dress like “Walking Advertisements.”

(Confession: After we wrote that question, we immediately said out loud, “IDK, my BFF Jill?” Anyway, back to the story…)

WWD has a piece this morning on the clothing chain Anchor Blue, which has seen its sales slip because of out-of-touch fashion merchandise in a very competitive market.

To remedy the situation, Anchor Blue has contracted Hills villain Heidi Montag to guest design an upcoming line. When asked why her collection was better than all the other celebrity ranges (including her nemesis, Lauren Conrad’s), Montag answers, “I don’t think anybody else has their line in a store chain like this.”

Well she’s right, no other celebrity has their line in a faltering chain store, though chain stores in general count Sarah Jessica Partner and Amanda Bynes (at Steve and Barry’s), Jennifer Lopez and Paris Hilton (at Macy’s), Madonna and Gisele (at H&M), and The Olsen girls (Barneys New York, Neiman Marcus…) among their sold labels.

But we can’t blame Heidi for this messy decision; she’s just trying to make the most of some young choices that unfortunately played themselves out on national TV. Actually, we’ll really like her when she gets a different boyfriend and goes back to school.

No, we’re mostly shaking our heads at the Anchor Blue people, who surely realize that the teen girls whose influence and money they covet don’t want to be anything like Heidi, even if they do enjoy reading about her in US Weekly - that’s like assuming the soccer girls want to dress like the cheerleaders just because they know all about their sex lives.

Perhaps in the future, Anchor Blue will switch their marketing and branding team before they switch their spokesgirls - or even just ask their interns which celebrity (“celebrity”?) they’d actually want to look like.

PS: We know not all of you have WWD subscriptions, so the full article is below.

“Oh my gosh, it’s Jerry Hall!” — one clueless Texas tourist to another, outside the Tents in Bryant Park, as they spied stylist Rachel Zoe.

We seem to have in our inbox the casting notice for Fashionista, the ELLE-helmed reality show where seemingly clueless but probably staged contestants vie for a job as Joe Zee’s assistant.

1. We’re dying to know what Joe Zee’s current assistant has to say about all of this.

2. Here’s the notice:

“Can you identify the best designs from the top designers with a glance? Are Manolo, Prada and Gucci a few or your favorite words? Is one of the best things in your life your wardrobe and footwear? Do you spend hours lost in a copy of Elle Magazine, daydreaming about a career in fashion?

If so, the CW Television Network and the creators of “Project Runway” and “America’s Next Top Model” are about to offer you the opportunity of a lifetime!

No experience necessary. But style, intelligence and a great work ethic are a must.

We are now casting an untitled reality competition that will take viewers (and cast members) behind the fashion world’s velvet rope for a chance to work side-by-side with a who’s-who of high fashion and a chance at a career-launching grand prize.

Email us at FashionFabCasting@gmail.com In order to be considered you must tell us in one page or less who you are and why you stand out in the crowd. Include your name, age, city, occupation, and contact phone number and email address. Also, send two clear current photos of your choice: one full body, one closeup!

THE OPEN CALL WILL TAKE PLACE THIS SATURDAY FEB. 9TH FROM 11AM TO 4PM!!! BE THERE!!

Park Central New York
870 Seventh Avenue at 56th Street
New York, NY 10019

Registration location: Manhattan Skyline”

Hmmm, one full body, one closeup… because Joe Zee’s assistant has to be pretty (duh).

Note to CW: PLEASE bring back Gossip Girl instead!