Hypothesis: Fall 09 is mostly a season of repeats.

Proof:

1. Balmainia.

2. The entire decade of the 80’s turning up… everywhere.

3. Marni loving Prada perhaps a bit too much.

4. Jean-Charles Castelbajac sending his models onto the runway from a giant mouth a la Viktor & Rolf Spring 08.

5. Jeremy Scott giving out his Longchamp bag to Beth Ditto and Kanye West to tote around at the Fall 09 shows like it’s really Spring 06.

And so on.

Conclusion: Discuss!

Before leaving London, I went to one last presentation. Milliner Nasir Mazhar put on quite a show at the St. Barnabas house in Soho.

We were allowed to enter the chapel in groups of fifteen. There were no lights, just hundreds of candles, a singing monk, and a handful of almost naked people in really obscure hats.

The monk got to move (as you can see in my really awful sideways video, so sorry), but the models stood as still as statues. I heard mentions of “DaVinci Code,” “pagan sex ritual,” and “but I can’t see the hats!”

But really, no one was looking at the hats.

Curiously, amid knee-high boots, neon, cut-outs, and body-con dresses, some designers were thinking of present packaging for their Fall 09 designs.

Behnaz Sarafpour, Badgley Mischka, J Mendel and even Christopher Kane worked ribbons into a few of their looks - A touch that seems rather girly for a season that also saw three pairs of actual pants from Marchesa, no?

Henry Holland’s show was maybe the most literal thing we’ve ever seen walk down a a runway.

It’s like he took the little paint cards from Home Depot, in the most bubble-gummy colors, blew them up and put them on super fun little dresses with major zippers, transfered them onto shaggy fur coats, men’s shirts and shorts and even bags. And to top it all off, the girls got to wear jewels by Katie Hillier (of POP, of Marc by Marc accessories, of Mulberry etc) exclusively for House of Holland.

Agyness’ and Henry’s families took up an entire row which meant lots of cheering - especially when the two danced down the runway at the end. In fact, our aisle seat lent a perfect view of Henry pulling each girl out from behind the curtain and doing a little dance before sending them out onto the runway.

Dancing, bright colors and shaggy coats might have been the perfect way to end London Fashion Week.

Until Paris, mes amours!

I’ve been salivating over shoes this week.

At yesterday’s Josh Goot show, I literally had to hold myself to the chair so as not to grab the two-toned platform wedges off the models’ feet. I’m not even sure if they were suede or slightly furry leather, but I want them alongside my imaginary collection of Charles Anastase stompers, Charlotte Olympia for Krystof platforms, Basso & Brooke elf shoes, Vivienne Westwood bondage sandals and everything else that I dream about.

The dresses and suits that went along with the shoes were pretty, too. There were two parts to the large collection: The first was a grouping of clingy, pinkish-beige and black, two-toned dresses, and the second made up of ruched pieces in what looked like a paint-splattered print.

Basically, I walked away from the show thinking about shoes and about how lovely it would be to be 5’10” and 110 pounds (ok, not really) so I could wear skin-tight nude dresses.

Central Saint Martins grad Mary Katrantzou showed her collection right after Mark Fast’s.

Her bold prints were inspired by perfume bottles, sometimes abstractedly and sometimes so literally that I could see the Hermes ribbons and the shape of Lancome’s Tresor.

The prints were the easiest thing to notice but the dresses themselves were beautifully made. A long column in black and silver cut down the middle to reveal a panel of sheer grey fabric begged to be walked down a red carpet.

Mary began her career as a jewelry designer and stylist Keegan Singh accessorized the dresses with bold chunky gold and black necklaces and bracelets that were just as covetable as the clothes.

They’re the kind of dresses you can only wear once - but you want to wear them everyday.

Mark Fast, Central Saint Martins grad and knit-wear genius, showed his Fall 09 collection at The Natural History Museum yesterday morning - though you’d be hard pressed to wear his clothes in the fall.

After a fake thunder storm via strobe lights and rain music, the young designer sent out a string of super-duper short dresses. They were so short in fact that the models couldn’t help but repeatedly tug them down along the runway. There were a couple of chunkier knit pieces - one in dusty pink and another one, banded, in shiny purple. A few came ripped and shredded but the best were such fine knit, varying from sheer to opaque so subtly, that they just looked perfectly worn in.

Some of the knits resembled velvet and the last dress was so fringed, so heavy, that you could see the poor model’s muscles tensing just to make it move.

Luckily the audience responded with very enthusiastic applause - especially considering it was 9am on basically the last day of London Fashion Week.

1) Why is Daphne Guinness here?

2) This is like the only show not sponsored by Barbie so why do all of the models look like Barbie?

3) Why does the program say these clothes are inspired by monks?

4) Is the hair modeled after Alice Dellal?

5) Why does Daisy Lowe still have her Pam Hogg runway hair from this morning?

6) Which intern wants to DIY the shag clutches?

7) Where have Chanel and Catherine been for the past four days?

8) Who will wear this first, Lindsay or Nicole?

Sir Paul Smith stuck with the basics for his Fall 09 collection.

Models strutted down the pink and green runway inside Claridge’s Ballroom last night, wearing everything from fair isle sweater dresses to almost military uniforms to floral dresses.

It started out eclectic Brit before entering military territory. Once there, he showed brass buttoned coats and capes and dresses with rhinestone epaulets and baggy trousers. There was a long mossy green gown, striped sweaters, red lips and florals at the end.

It was kind of like the Gap, but British, busier, and more expensive.

Roksanda Ilincic showed her Fall 09 collection in a proper British library yesterday afternoon at Whitehall.

It was sponsored by Barbie - who continues to reign over Fashion Week on this side of the pond, too - but featured a string of dresses much too elegant for the iconic plastic doll.

The Central St. Martin’s grad, as someone said, “makes high fashion you can actually wear.” Her dresses are Rodarte pretty and equally well made, but you can wear them regardless of whether you’re Keira Knightley or not.

Dresses came in pinks and greys with lace and rhinestone detailing. There was a black coat made entirely of ruffles and tops and skirts made out of what looked like fancy aluminum foil. The models wore fabric discs on each side of their head, Mickey Mouse-like, but the oversized gold bow bracelets made up for them.

If we were ladies who lunch, this is what we’d lunch in.

Marios Schwab’s stiff white invitation was embedded with squares of red and blue film to make a handy pair of 3-D glasses.

It was also at the Topshop venue, which means food. So I hauled myself to the University of Westminster - in the battle of hunger versus exhaustion, the former almost always wins - and, despite last season’s disappointing show, absolutely loved Schwab’s Fall 09 collection.

I also loved watching Daphne Guinness in the front row - watching the way that woman dresses and conducts herself is like watching an editorial come to life, a really great one.

Anyway, Schwab’s dresses were beautifully built, creative and colorful - so much color this fall. It’s like he started with shifts and constructed frames around them, folding and dipping fabric to position the basic dress within a sort of shell. The bold prints stood on their own, without help from the 3-D glasses. In fact, everyone lifted their invite at the first sign of a psychedelic print, shook their head and put it down. You didn’t want anything in the way of you and these clothes.

And that was only the second show of the best day of the season.

Full disclosure: I didn’t know much about Pam Hogg before her show this afternoon except that she used to play music, that LOVE has a David Sims-shot editorial of her clothes and that hers was a really coveted ticket since it’s the first time she’s shown a proper collection in years.

But it was clear, walking into the Science Museum, that this was the show for the cool kids. And, yes, everyone even remotely related to fashion in this city looks pretty cool, so I’m referring to a whole new level of cool. Even the six-year-old boy in front of me had a guitar purse and majorly mohawked hair. The crowd, including Gareth Pugh, oohed, ahhed and cheered with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for Charlotte Ronson’s familial shows.

Dazed’s Fashion Editor Katie Shillingford styled the show which opened with jumpsuits: Neon jumpsuits, pastel jumpsuits, metallic jumpsuits made of latex, velvet, lace and leather before moving into more wearable dresses in the same aesthetic.

Her final pieces - a barely there dress of layers and layers of tulle, a completey sheer beribboned gown and the black lace, rhinestone encrusted goth bride dress on Alice Dellal at the end of the show - were really spectacular, especially considering she handmade all of her samples with just one other person.

Afterwards, we wondered just how much Lady Gaga’s clothing line will be inspired by Pam’s.

A while back I said I want to be the kind of woman who wears Bottega Veneta when she grows up. For now, I wish I was the kind of girl who wears Giles Deacon.

Yes, I know, few people actually wear Giles, but those who do are really fucking lucky - the man is a genius. Which must be why the security was prison-tight. At the door:

“Hack. Jefferson Hack.”

“I’m sorry sir. What did you say your surname was?”

And then I heard this:

“I’m his sister! I don’t need an invite!”

“Everyone needs an invitation, ma’am.”

“But I’m Giles’ sister!! Look, here’s our Mum!”

Once in, I stood atop a platform in the darkened, ridiculously small, overly packed, green-tinted venue to try and take better pictures (I’m working on it, I swear) and watched one of the best collections I’ve ever seen walk down a runway.

Fresh, stellar, amazing doesn’t begin to describe it. The clothes - chunky knit ball skirts with corseted tops, violently studded and spiked shift dresses, massively jeweled t-shirts, stiff strapless dresses in gold silk and grey wool - were unreal. The energy was through the roof, and though I’ll admit the furry hot dog outfit kind of threw me for a loop, everything from the Stephen Jones hats atop the models’ heads to the slouchy platform boots on their feet was perfect.

I know I’m gushing. But really, it was brilliant.

WHICH model’s surgically enhanced breasts are the talk of London town? Proper model that is, not of the Daisy, Alice, Geldof tribe.

The only reason one wakes up at 7 am after two hours of sleep on a gloomy London morning is for Luella.

Her show was held at the Flower Cellars in Covent Garden which sounds pretty but is actually the same dungeon-like space Fashion Fringe was held at this past fall. It was an appropriate venue for her edgier, grown-up school girl collection.

Fall 09 comes dressed in tweeds, retro sweaters and covered with over-sized hooks and eyes. The party dresses shone, of course, in chunky sheer and metallic stripes. Each model had her own hair-do (so Marc, again) and cutesy hair accessories in typical Luella style. There were shiny patent trenches and totes, layered chiffon prints and slouchy, skinny jeans.

Starlets love their Luella but this time around a London friend had to point out Girls Aloud members and Skins actors - though I got Peaches and Erin O’Connor on my own.

And this might be the first of Luella’s collection that Erin can actually wear.

Last night, I came to terms with the fact that talking to Matthew Williamson is about as close as I’ll ever get to talking to Johnny Depp. And I think I’m ok with that.

He sat front row at Sienna and Savannah Miller’s show at some place called The Dairy. We walked down a long gravel path into a champagne and cigarette smoke-filled tent before entering another tent for the super small show.

The British designer and friend to Sienna sat next to Roisin Murphy who sat one seat away from Alexa Chung, a few down from Leigh Lezark (where’d she come from?) who talked to Lydia Hearst.

According to the program, the collection was inspired by Jean Luc Goddard and Charlie Chaplin. According to us, it was inspired by Sienna Miller. There were waistcoats, skinny jeans, super cute girly dresses that were beyond short (and I’m a huge fan of short). The show ended with colorful sequins or beads (I couldn’t really tell) over thin black jersey shirts and dresses. Jourdan closed the show with the sexy sparkly dress at left.

And you can add the chunky studded platforms to the list of awesome shoes taking London Fashion Week by storm.

I get to PPQ about five minutes early. I’m meeting Rebecca from Elle.com and despite our seated status, we and the rest of the crowd are locked outside a gate. While the show should be starting, workmen bring in the benches.

Alexa Chung slides by and The Moment twitters that editors are being turned away while socialites are flying in. We get past the gate and there’s a bar serving PPQ lemonade - which has no lemonade and tastes like straight Pim’s. By now, we’re practically in a mosh pit. No one’s let behind the curtain - not even Alexa Chung - until 8:37.

Everyone’s told to put down their glasses, alcohol spills, a girl slips, her knee cracks, she passes out and the stampede rushes on into the almost mile long arcade. Rebecca and I pick her up and get her sorted before taking our seat in the mono-row, (how Marc).

By now it’s 8:53 and 2812 starts in Camden in seven minutes. Colin McDowell and Hilary Alexander both get up and leave. The British Vogue editors behind me chatter, “That’s interesting, should we go too?”

As I’m about to bolt, the lights go down and Daisy Lowe stomps her way down the runway.

The clothes are bright, the braids are plastic and the shoes are fun.

I do indeed bolt before the finale and thank god that I’ve made it this far without passing out, falling down or trampling any passerby.

The picture at left is from Danielle Scutt’s Fall 09 collection.

No really, it’s not a model wearing her Ricky’s Halloween costume from last year.

Because would a designer as awesome as Danielle Scutt really send that down her runway? Especially when she’s showing a teen-tiny collection during extremely tough economic times?

Well, yeah. Apparently.

She also showed printed spandex bodysuits covered in zippers, unzipped to show strips of flesh here and there. There were lace up pants, cut-out flames on coat lapels and a sheer top underneath a torso corset with rhinestones splashed across the breasts.

A couple of the dresses, including a textured t-shirt shift and the fifth one when you click through, we really loved. Otherwise, it would’ve been nice to caffeine-load instead.

Emilio de la Morena showed his collection just after Krystof’s - to the half-socialite front row including Alexa Chung and half-industry heavy hitter front row including Natalie Massenet.

The clothes were like couture Jetson costumes, so fun to watch trot down a runway atop 5” Charlotte Olympia red suede booties.

Dresses came in burnt gold, cherry red and plums with plastic decals, felt and beads embroidered mostly in the back. There was a pixelated houndstooth print and some very unusual over-sized handcuff looking jewelry.

Will anyone aside from Roisin Murphy actually stick this collection in their closet? Probably not, but it’s shows like this that make Fashion Week so much fun.