Ah, Halloween… A night when college students, professionals, and celebrities can all dress like cheap hookers in public with little or no repercussions. It used to be that you had to wait, longingly, until you were a teenager to get all skankified. When I was little, my mom always forced me to weather-proof my Halloween costumes because it was “going to be really cold out.” (I must add that I was still the coolest Princess Jasmine ever with a beige turtleneck under my turquoise crop top.)

But based on the costumes available to pre-adolescents today, times have seriously changed. Apparently, frost-bite is no longer a concern! Neither is looking like a child prostitute. A quick peruse through the myriad of specialty costume sites was enough to educate me on how the elementary and middle school set is now expected to celebrate Halloween. Some noteworthy info: No little girl’s costume is complete without a microscopic tutu. Fishnets are perfectly appropriate children’s wear and not at all suggestive. And female fire fighters wear shiny go-go boots.

So without further ado, here’s a list of some stand-out, pedo-friendly costumes for you to look out for in your neighborhood this October 31. If you thought those Pretty Woman and Dolly Parton outfits on Toddlers & Tiaras were appropriate and adorable, just wait until you’ve seen “Pretty Lil’ Kitty” and “Tween Kimono Cutie Geisha”! You just wait.

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