There’s no graceful way to introduce this product, so we’ll just cut to the chase: “Subtle Butt” is a disposable patch of fabric with an “activated carbon layer…to which stench adheres and gets neutralized.” Except there’s nothing subtle about farting. In short, Subtle Butt is a small square of fabric you stick to your underwear just in case you lay a real stinky egg. If it’s loud, you’re on your own. Subtle Butt does nothing to muffle sound. Gross. (Almost as gross as period undies).

Yes, this is a real product you can buy. Five Subtle Butt patches cost just $11.95.