Dear Tour de France Organizers,

First of all, we would like to congratulate Alberto Contador on winning this prestigious race. Truly an amazing achievement. It was an exciting competition this year, even though some of us may have been forced to watch against our will.

However, we would like to offer some sartorial suggestions for next year’s Tour. While we don’t really love the tight spandex worn by the riders, we completely understand the necessity and functionality of this garb. Our concern is not the cyclists.

Indeed, it is the so-called “podium girls,” or those who doll out the awards each evening. We understand that they are a long-standing Tour tradition. We will avoid NASCAR comparisons and let our colleagues over at Jezebel critique the inherent chauvinism.

The outfits that these women wear are absolutely unacceptable.

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