On Wednesday’s Top Model, we witnessed the following: 1. Renee, the token Mean Girl, decided to make amends with Jael, a girl that she hurt. How? She drew a picture of Jael in a straight jacket. 2. The girls wore silver bodysuits and pretended to be cat burglars in a laser maze. This taught them how to pose. 3. In the photo shoot, the girls smeared themselves with blood and pretended to be murder victims. Predictably, they looked much better dead. As always, the episode was so gleefully twisted, we needed the help of an expert: Brooke Miller, former Top Model contestant and current Fashionista correspondent.
Initial, uncensored thoughts on the episode? It was disgusting and carnal and raw but I kinda loved it in a twisted sort of way. I thought the photos were really good. They actually pulled off an editorial shoot! The photo shoot was about death; Jael’s friend died in the previous episode: coincidence? No way. In my episode, a girl named Michelle said she might be bisexual. The very next photo shoot, she had to portray Ellen De Generes and Portia De Rossi. The producers know what’s going on in your life at the time. Renee is a nightmare of a person, but doesn’t she look like Jessica Stam? I know! But personality wise, I’m like oh my goodness. She’s going to be the go-to bitch of the season. She’s a producer’s dream at this point. Giving someone a picture of themselves in a straight jacket? As an apology? Only she would think that was a compliment! Her way of making amends is definitely backhanded. Renee also spends a lot of time on the phone. I take it you’re not allowed to have cell phones? Oh my god, no. Not at all. That was our biggest no. We had to give them to the girls that were taking care of us, the assistant producers. We handed over our cell phones the day before the show started, and they put them in plastic baggies and locked them away. We got them back when we were sent to our little hotel rooms after the show was over, when they sequestered us. The phone was always an issue. Always. There are 12 – 13 girls and we’re never home in the house, so the phone is a precious commodity. You incur the wrath of everyone else if you’re on for more than five minutes. And the big challenge – crawling through a maze of lasers in catsuits – that was pretty cool… It would have been a great photo shoot! But I have to say, note to Tyra and company, nobody looks good in silver space suits! Maybe Jaslene could do it, but that’s because she’s tiny. In person she’s the smallest girl I’ve ever seen. Plus Size Whitney won the challenge – and got a diamond bracelet. Will that get stolen before the end of the season? I don’t think so. When we did our jewelry challenge last season, and Eugenia won and got $30,000 of jewelry, she kept it with her. I think the producers offered her a safe. Felicia, the girl who looked like a music video star, got booted this week. Surprised? I was shocked. I liked her a lot, and I thought she’d emerged as an early favorite of the judges. So I thought she’d stick around for a while, but for once I agreed with everything the judges had to say! I thought she had a so-so week on camera, and I thought they were right to send her home. Who’s the next to go? It’s time to say goodbye to Jael. She could go be a rock star, she could just go party… yeah. Okay Top Model expert – how can we tell who’s getting kicked off a show before it ends? If you want to know who’s going home, pay attention to the storyline and the first 2-3 minutes of the show starting. The girls that the producers give the most attention and storyline are the ones normally in the bottom. But also for quite a few episodes – not all, but – right before commercial break in panel, they flash to the three girls in the bottom. It’s really subtle, but I started paying attention. It’s a real quick flash to two or three girls but they’re always in the bottom. I won’t promise it’s 100% accurate, but it’s there. Spooky! What about Cover Girl of the Week? Do the girls who win that contest automatically get to the finals? I’ve wondered myself how Cover Girl of the Week works. Apparently it’s all the viewers, but you vote after the episode and they air the winner. I met Joni Dodds at the VH1 Awards, and she told me that the Cover Girl people are right underneath Tyra. They have just as much influence in deciding who gets the title. Okay Brooke – who’s gonna win? Here’s my new top four: Renee is the go to bitch, and Jay was super impressed with her photo shoot. Is Jay’s opinion important? I’ll say Jay doesn’t matter as much as they make it seem. He’s around and reports back to Tyra, so we’re told, but he doesn’t have a huge hand in who goes home. Who else is in your Top Four? Jaslene. She’s my favorite personally, but besides that, I really would bet on her to win! She’s got the personality, the judges love her, and she does photograph well. I think Brittany will be around, she’s a solid performer. She’s a producer’s dream, too, because of all her tears and emotion! And she’ll be the constant target of Renee’s wrath. And I think Whitney will be around for a while. They want to promote the healthy body image and keep her around which is awesome. And last night you saw her starting to improve – the first time she ever looked like a model was last night. So one of these girls is our Next Top Model? Not necessarily in talent, but they’re who I think the producers will keep around. And I still say Brittany’s got something special.