Dear Tour de France Organizers,
First of all, we would like to congratulate Alberto Contador on winning this prestigious race. Truly an amazing achievement. It was an exciting competition this year, even though some of us may have been forced to watch against our will.
However, we would like to offer some sartorial suggestions for next year’s Tour. While we don’t really love the tight spandex worn by the riders, we completely understand the necessity and functionality of this garb. Our concern is not the cyclists.
Indeed, it is the so-called “podium girls,” or those who doll out the awards each evening. We understand that they are a long-standing Tour tradition. We will avoid NASCAR comparisons and let our colleagues over at Jezebel critique the inherent chauvinism.
The outfits that these women wear are absolutely unacceptable.
Yellow: The most prestigious jersey color, because it signifies the stage leader and ultimately, the winner. Not even Hillary Clinton would be caught dead in this frumpy suit. Marc at
Polka Dot: Awarded to “King of the Mountains.” By far the most egregious and cringe-worthy crime committed on the podium. Please, Tour de France, show some restraint. May we suggest
Green: The color awarded for sprint points. Lime green can definitely be garish, so we approve of the use of it as an accessory rather than the main event. But must the girls look like the Doublemint Twins? Some
White: So it seems that the white jersey for best young rider is usually presented by girls wearing black. Nice contrast. But please, a little more excitement.
Red: The best category by far, “most combative rider,” really deserves a special dress.
Catsuit: While we can’t completely support the clichéd girl-in-a-catsuit look, if you must do it, allow Hermès to assist. (AW 2010)