Forget about Nars' "Orgasm" blush to give you a nice glow--go for the real thing instead. "Adult novelty toy" company The Screaming O (which has won a jillion awards for its product of the same name, a vibrating ring) has created a new line of lady pleasure devices that look exactly like the beauty products that you probably have stuffed into your makeup bag. Remember how that Feministe blogger had her luggage inspected (not a euphemism!) by the TSA, who left her the note "Get your freak on girl" after they discovered a "personal item" she had packed? Who needs to worry about that sort of thing? Enter Screaming O and its line of beauty product-disguised vibrators with a fashion-y theme. Tagline: "Come in Style!"
Called the Studio Collection, the line includes a lipstick, makeup brush, and mascara, as well as two balms--one warming and one cooling--that look like eye shadow. The collection is rounded out by a "Sexy Secret Compact" containing an itty bitty little vibe hidden in a secret compartment. I sat at a table in a public restaurant viewing these products with company reps and can report that no one blinked an eye or looked at me in horror. They really look like makeup.
The company has gone a step further with the line by creating a whole back story about a lonely fashion model who has fantasies about her makeup tools. Or something. Some sample copy in the advertising materials:
I allow myself to drift to an erotic dream state to pass the time trapped in the monotomy of the daily makeup studio. My mind conjures fantasies yet my body still yearns. The only touch I feel is that of the makeup tools that have grown to be such a part of my life. Their sensations intertwine with my personal erotic cinema. My imagination creates the ordinary into the extraordinary and the objects used to enhance my beauty transform into objects of my obsession.
I know what I'm going to start asking models backstage from now on! Who knew that mascara was so freaking sexy? The booklet goes on to detail each of the individual products with a bit of cringe-worthy double entendre thrown in ("Lipstick, touching my lips like a kiss," etc.). I especially like the frequent use of the phrase "where passion meets fashion." It's hard to make vibrators seem chic and fashionable, and while I'm not sure Screaming O succeeds, I love them for trying. I just wouldn't recommend using their lipstick on the subway.