Nobody wants to come back from the beach with awkward tan lines. But Jenni Farley, aka JWoww, really doesn't like tan lines. And obviously, tanning is extremely important to any cast member of the Jersey Shore. So JWoww is diving back into the fashion biz to hawk a new line of bikinis that are basically pasties. Really tiny pasties. That you can only wear 10 to 15 times.
Gawker pointed us to the website of the bikini brand JWoww is doing a line for, PerfectTanBikini, which explains the groundbreaking technology behind these gravity-defying barely there suits. Thankfully, they've anticipated all your questions such as:
How does it stay on?
The Inside of our bikini top is lined with Stick2U, our patented silicon based adhesive. Stick2U is activated by your body temperature so the warmer you get in the sun the more it stays in place. Have no fear, the top will stay securely in place. Our motto is, Stays on and Stays Put!
Good to know! So now you can rest assured you won't suffer any embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions. You should just be embarrassed in general if you wear this.
And you can actually swim in this?
Yes. Stick2U, our patented adhesive is 100% waterproof. The Inside of the bikini top is lined with Stick2U, our patented silicon based adhesive. /our patented adhesive named Stick2U is activated by your body temperature so the warmer you get in the sun the more it stays in place. Stays on and Stays Put!
Gotta hammer home that motto.
But now for the most important question - do they work when you don't have enormous fake floating tits?
No, the Perfect Tan Bikini can be worn with real or augmented breasts. Anyone can wear a Perfect Tan Bikini. Now we can all be Perfect!
Yes, this is really one of their FAQs. And aren't you relieved to know the answer?
JWoww's new line of pasties bikinis are available starting in February, so sadly, you can't gift one as a last minute Christmas present. Sorry!
Click through to see more of the line.