When we reported on the elaborate prom rules that several American high schools were enforcing, we assumed the school staff was being dramatic. We asked ourselves: Are teen girls really wearing navel-exposing prom dresses? Are they really wearing Dancing with the Stars-type gowns? Are there that many high school boys wearing canes to prom to necessitate a rule? (The answers: yes, yes, and yes)
After a quick perusal of the many prom dress sites out there, we realized they weren't being dramatic at all: There is a huge amount of appallingly inappropriate (and just plain ugly) prom gear out there. And if it's being produced, it's probably being purchased. And worn to prom. From up-to-there slits, to belly tops (seriously), the amount of skanky crap out there being peddled as prom gear (for, you know, teenage girls) is truly shocking. Weirdest of all, despite all evidence to the contrary, these frocks don't even come cheap: Some of them will set you back as much as $800.
So ladies, consider this a PSA: Please do not spend $800 on a diamond-bedazzled, slit-to-there, plunging v-neck monstrosity. You'll thank us when you're going through your prom pictures a few years later, trust us.
"Dresses" That Expose Your Belly Button
Here's a good rule of thumb: If you can see your belly-button, it's probably not appropriate--for any formal event, let alone prom.
We dare you to find anyone who could make these elaborately slashed and criss-crossed gowns look even close to classy. We particularly enjoy the middle gown that has a bedazzled peek-a-boo slit for the belly button.
Every girl should feel like a princess on prom night--but that doesn't mean you have to look like one right out of a Disney cartoon.
Who would have thought Britney Spears' sheer diamond bodysuit from the Toxic video would get reincarnated for prom? Seriously though, can someone please explain to me how you're supposed to wear any sort of underwear with this look?
Super Low Necklines
We get it, when you're a senior in high school your boobs are probably at the best and perkiest they'll ever be. Still, that's not an excuse to go showing your tatas to your whole class, and school staff. Do you really want your creepy science teacher staring at your breasts?
Colored Tuxes, Top Hats and Canes
Gentleman, no. Just no. If you want to get laid, please stay away from colored tuxes, canes, and tophats. Thank you.
Figure Skater-esque Frocks
Ladies, this is prom. Not prom on ice. Just prom. Unless you'll be wearing skates sometime later in the night, please leave the tutus and glittered corsets at home.
If your dress' slit is so high as to require built in underwear, then that's probably a sign it's, you know, too high. Then again you could just go commando, as the model on the left undoubtedly is. We guess that's one way to say "you won't be getting into my panties tonight"...
Elaborate Back Cutout Designs
These gowns' backs (or lack thereof) are so elaborate, they're actually straining our eyes. Also, we're pretty sure we could see your crack in gown #2.
These gowns don't fit into any one category but we had to include them because, well, just look at them. The one on the left actually has a built-in hood (cause that's a timeless style and all), while the middle frock seems to be a loose interpretation of a cheetah's tail. Super flattering. We don't even know what to make of the one on the right...