People, it's time to kiss humanity goodbye. Folks are snacking on peoples' faces, grilling their unfaithful lovers' lips, and chomping on their roommates' hearts. The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us, and our undead friends are hungry for limbs, organs, and of course, braaaains.
But it's not all bad--just because you might soon forgo chicken cutlets for a bit of hypothalamus tartare, doesn't mean the simple pleasures in life will cease to exist.
Though you will inevitably be bitten on the neck and transform into a staggering, insatiable zombie, you're still going to need clothes and beauty supplies.
Click through for everything you need from zombie-proof makeup to undead couture.
Contributors: Jihan Forbes, Contessa Schexnayder, Nora Crotty, Emily Singer, and Tyler McCall.
Photos: Getty, Imaxtree
• Zombies really like to touch things, especially humans who have not yet been bitten. Let your zombie buddies know that you are one of them in this frock from Rodarte’s Spring 2012 collection. • We imagine a zombie Victoria Beckham would rock this look from Rick Owens. [Ed. note: We think Rick Owens may actually be a zombie. He owns it.] • For the zombie Oscars, this Giles Fall ’12 gown should get you on the best dressed list. • This look from Nicholas K’s Fall 2012 collection is perfect for attracting man-zombies in the club.
Clockwise from top left: Gucci Fall 2012, Ann Demeulemeester Fall 2012, Ann Demeulemeester Spring 2012, Prada Fall 2012, Vivienne Westwood Spring 2012, Alexander Wang Fall 2012
• Number one on our list? Hunter Wellies to protect you from the body parts and brains that we'll inevitably have to wade through. • Rag & Bone shoes boast a chunky heel (perfect for roundhouse kicks to the head!) and go with every outfit, to boot. • Shoes that double as a weapon? Yes please! These gold spiked Louboutins can do some serious damage. • Muted shades will be de rigeur once the end of the world rolls around, but that doesn't mean that you have to tone it down. With these glitzy Jimmy Choo kicks, you'll be able to flee in fashion.
Beauty Must-Haves for the Zombie Apocalypse:
Heads up ladies, shit just got real. Get your machete out cause old Mrs. Schwartz from down the street just tried to attack you and wants to snack on your face--these are mad times we’re living in, mad! Is the makeup we have really going to get us through the apocalypse? If you said no--or even maybe--then you should check out these five finds that are easy on the wallet and end-o-days friendly.
1. Nelson Bach USA, Rescue Remedy Spray: This nifty spritzer offers tranquility and contains Cherry Plum, Clematis, Impatiens, Rock Rose and Star of Bethlehem. It’s quick working and long lasting. It’ll get you through all those pesky anxiety filled moments.
2. Lancome Hypnose Waterproof Custom Volume Mascara: In my opinion the only way to truly judge the longevity of mascara is to sob uncontrollably while wearing it. Lucky for us, the rising of the undead will give us the perfect setting to test the bounds of our makeup's durability. This waterproof mascara offers a formula that holds lashes in place while giving separation, definition and volume. It also dries quickly without clumping and will last all day. The black pigment will deepen lash color dramatically without giving you that weird raccoon look that you hated pre-apocalypse.
3. Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Sun Defense Stick: Zombies are relentless: this is what makes them so formidable. They don’t need to rest, or sleep, and even when they are wounded they continue. That's why this stick is perfect, because like a zombie it keeps going. It offers long-lasting moisture and hydration with the added bonus of sun protection. It gives you a healthy glow, it's easy to apply, and it's sweat and water resistant. It has an SPF 50 that protects you from premature aging, and lets the world know that even though we’re all going to die a brutal death, we can still leave a beautiful corpse.
4. I Love my Muff Kit-Green: You finally make it to colony of survivors. You’ve seen unspeakable horrors. Your entire family is missing and you had to behead your boyfriend, his sister and their grandma. You're miles away from a vodka soda, and you smell like the New Jersey turnpike. However, on the upside, the camp is filled with cuties and the world is mos’ def going to need a little repopulating, heyyy. Luckily you have brought a little lady maintenance to get you through those ‘less then fresh’ times. This handy lifesaver contains everything you need to get back to that oh-so-clean feeling you’ve been longing for. It’s infused with the heavenly scent of: vanilla, ylang ylang and grapefruit; plus they’re vegan and paraben free.
5. Oribe Dry Texturizing Spray: You’ve been slogging through the forest for three days. You’re tired and hungry, and the blowout you paid fifty dollars for is on its last leg, when all of a sudden you remember that you packed your dry texturizing spray. This magic in a can is the perfect hybrid of volumizer, hair spray and dry shampoo. It offers fantastic body while giving you a long-lasting soft hold that won’t make you look like you're wearing a helmet. It absorbs oils while mattifying and will give your hair texture without making it gnarly. It’s great for those times when you can't wash your hair because there is no running water and you're miles away from civilization.
By: Contessa Schexnayder
Accessories for the Apocalypse
• A gold wishbone by Jennifer Meyer for good luck. • Glitzy ladybugs by Ileana Makri, because if the planet will be crawling with bugs, they might as well be cute. • Pamela Love's silver beaded dagger necklace is lethally chic and totally badass. • Skulls will undoubtedly be the next big thing once zombies take over, so stay ahead of the trend with an Alexander McQueen Swarovski-embellished skull bangle. • Keep this sleek Nixon watch on hand to keep track of the time. (Not that time will be too important when you're running from a hoard of zombies...)
And may we strongly suggest...
A few more things you might want to consider if you want to look good whilst evading the undead: If you're hiding out in an enclosed space, you'll still want to stay strong for that inevitable zombie chase. A stationary bike is key. Zombie moans are deafening and will drive you to the brink of insanity: Invest in some good (and fly-looking) headphones. A terrifying manicure is great for gauging zombie eyes, and this Christian Louboutin purse will cut whoever (or whatever) grabs you by the shoulder. And zombies are wimps when it comes to sodium--stock up on some satisfyingly salty Ramen noodles to make those pulseless meanies go away.