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What Does Jennifer Aniston's Ginormous Engagement Ring Mean? A Complete Analysis Based on Hyperbolic Media Reactions

So. Over the weekend Justin Theroux visited his fiance Jennifer Aniston on the set of her new film We're the Millers in New Mexico, whence Jen tenderly stroked his face and REVEALED TO THE WORLD the ginormous diamond engagement ring she's been so rudely hiding for the past several months. ZOMG! Collective gasps heard round the world! Naturally, people had a lot to say about the sparkler. From its size (will she even be be able to lift her hand!?) to what it all means (Justin just really really loves her, OK?) to the inevitable inescapable comparisons to Angie, we've analyzed the reactions in detail. The things we do for you guys...

So. Over the weekend Justin Theroux visited his fiance

Others were just offended:

"This is a big rock. A huge rock. A very expensive, obnoxious, stupid fucking rock...When you wear a diamond that big, you're essentially announcing to everyone that A) You have no sense of subtlety when it comes to flaunting your wealth and B) You enjoy blinding small children...It's just a shitty way of trying to have your love upstage the love of other, poorer human beings. And it looks stupid."--

"Jennifer Aniston's engagement ring doesn't look as delicate or as "pretty" as her first one, the one from ex, Brad Pitt, but there is no question that it is bigger. Evidently in Hollywood, bigger is better."--Examiner. (there is a euphemism for penis size somewhere in here).

"It has the "wow" factor that it needed to have given the recipient and her history in the spotlight - especially concerning her personal life...That puts a ton of pressure on a guy and we completely sympathize with the predicament he must have faced. In some ways the ring is exactly what it had to be - over the top, not comparable to anything else, and worthy of the attention it would inevitably get."--Daily Mail

"We just can't help but compare her newest bauble from fiancé Justin Theroux to the one she received from ex-husband Brad Pitt in 1999...Brad Pitt's choice was no snoozer either. Designed by Italian jeweler Silvia Damiani, it was estimated to cost around $500,000."--International Business Times

One thing seems certain, however: Aniston’s current engagement ring is bigger than the one Pitt gave her before they married in 2000. --Celebuzz

Of course, as is true of anything Jennifer Aniston-related, all roads lead back, inevitably, to Angelina Jolie.

Of course, as is true of anything Jennifer Aniston-related, all roads lead back, inevitably, to Angelina Jolie.

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"We can't help but compare the rock to Angie's massive ring now that the former feuding femmes are both planning to walk down the aisle...Peter Meksian, CEO and designer at Michael M. (who did not design Aniston's ring) speculates that, "Jennifer's ring is approximately 8-9 carats with a radiant cut center diamond. Estimated price tag is $500,000...And (surprise!) that's reportedly the exact same price tag as Jolie's dazzling emerald-cut diamond that Pitt helped design."--E! Online

"Those of you who never tire of Team Jen vs. Team Angie warfare, there’s a new battleground for you: the actresses’ ring fingers."--Celebuzz

"So who wins the war of the rings? Jen or Angelina. Well from the look of things, both actresseshave gigantic rings, with a similar price tag and what appears to be nearly identical carat weight. In other words, both Aniston and Jolie's engagement rings are big and expensive."--Gather. (thank you captain obvious.)

"If Jennifer Aniston's new engagement ring features an emerald-cut center stone, then Justin Theroux is an idiot, because Brad Pitt gave Angelina Jolie an emerald-cut engagement ring back an April."--Glamour

After all this, is it any wonder Jennifer Aniston kept the massive rock hidden for so long?

Photos: Getty