Well, Gina Gershon was right--the late Gianni Versace probably wouldn't be so into the costumes (and a few other aspects) of Lifetime's highly anticipated, Donatella-unapproved soapy biopic, House of Versace.
Where should we start? The mini-Cirque du Soleil performance accompanying the movie's first runway show? Nineties classics like "Pump Up the Jam" and "I've Got the Power" underscoring every scene? The metallic faux-Versace wardrobe that looked like something out of a thrift store reject bin? (Not, mind you, a planned counterfeit-spoofing capsule line.) The Versace family's strange obsession with watching red carpet videos of Princess Diana and the use of archival footage from her car crash? Or the fact that you could have created a very successful drinking game by taking a shot every time Donatella reaches for her coke-concealing golden tube of mascara?
Click through the slideshow for our pick of the top 10 WTF moments from House of Versace.
1. In an interview with The Daily Mail, the film's costume designer Claire Nadon expresses how difficult it was to recreate Gianni Versace's designs without the budget of an atelier and under such short notice. The re-staging of Versace's 1994 ad campaign with Christy Turlington, Stephanie Seymour, Nadja Auermann, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford, is one scene in particular that proves there is no comparison between the actual designs of Gianni Versace and rushed imitations. Yikes.
2. If you weren't totally distracted by Keith Mars's Enrico Colanti as Gianni Versace's plastic smile and very visible wig line, you might remember that seconds before this scene, Donatella shouts this gem at her brother, "If I hadn’t quit school to come and help you, you’d be the best dressed costumer at the opera house in Reggio, Calabria.” She also tells Gianni to go "play with his boyfriend," eight times before his death scene. We always thought the legendary Versace was busy designing clothing, but apparently he was always busy playing with his boyfriend... ?
3. One of the many scenes where Donatella reaches for her magic golden mascara tube filled with cocaine, and fills it with more cocaine from her ceramic ashtray that's full of cocaine. (You get the idea.)
4. After Gianni's death, Donatella is lying in her brother Santos's arms and utters this somewhat esoteric line: "Stupid moon, what would it do if the sun went out?"
"I don't know," says Santos.
"It'd go dark. It can't see the moon without the sun," Donatella replies. One of the many poetic messages within this movie.
5. During the funeral scene, the camera alternates between shots of the cast walking into a church and archival real life images of Princess Diana heading to the ceremony. Later on the Versace family watches what we imagine to be the Lifetime version of an E! True Hollywood Story of Gianni's funeral. Because that's totally what normal families do to grieve ...
6. Donatella's staff and family stage an intervention, where they tell her that she "looks like a boiled lobster after its shell has been cracked. Gianni wouldn't recognize you. What have you done? You've destroyed the legacy!"
7. I'm sorry, when have real life models ever clapped when walking down the runway? (They have, however, been documented dancing on the runway.) And another example of Nadon's "Versace-inspired" costumes.
8. Seconds before this touching mother-daughter, Donatella is reaching in her purse for yet more cocaine when Allegra walks down the stairs. Allegra claims she can't sleep because she misses her uncle--it's now been four years since his death.
9. Another Princess Di scene to possibly bring the references full circle? The Versace family turns on the TV and to watch footage of the tragic Paris car crash that killed Diana. Allegra asks her mom, "why is everyone dying?!" Tragic. Touching. Really really random.
10. At the first show after Gianni's death, Donatella walks out with her head bowed, looks up at an image of Gianni which is hanging over the runway and then runs off the stage, muttering, "They only came for Gianni."