Monday afternoon, Taylor Swift just about broke the Internet when her Wall Street Journal op-ed about the future of the music industry went live online. We, too, were engrossed by Swift's idealized sentiments about music and love and arrows through the heart...
...which is the only explanation for how we missed Tyra Banks's byline on the very same website. Apparently, the publication (in celebration of its 125th birthday) tapped more than one celebrity to pen essays about the future of their respective industries. And as we should have expected from the woman who wrote "Modelland," a fantasy novel about a girl with mismatched eyes who gets chosen to be an "Intoxibella" and traverse things like "Thigh High Boot Camp," Banks's vision of what the future will be like is batshit crazy.
Banks is very sure about her forecast. She's confident, for example, that hair extensions will. not. exist. But beauty ingestibles that hollow out your cheek bones definitely will. It is fact. We didn't know the ANTM host was clairvoyant on top of being a smizing expert, but somehow we're not surprised. Read on for the scariest things that will exist in Tyra's future:
• For one, looking weird will be the ideal. It sounds like we're looking at a "Hunger Games" standard of beauty. "Plastic surgery will be as easy and quick as going to the drugstore for Tylenol. Emphasis will be on how unique and interesting one can look, as opposed to a cookie-cutter look. People will be vying for that cutting-edge, distinct look in the way that today celebs reach for baby names that defy convention."
• In lieu of hair extensions, "a hair-growing serum is applied to the scalp, and the length and thickness of the hair will increase in 24 hours. The popular hair texture of choice will be curly." Just because.
•Also, in lieu of plastic surgery, people can take ingestibles that "give instant, yet temporary results: contoured cheekbones, rosy cheeks, arched eyebrows."
• You can choose whatever features you want your baby to have.
• Since everyone will be beautiful, models will become irrelevant and "Robot/avatar models with features that look totally different from the golden-skinned everyday people will represent and sell products world-wide."
• Robots will also be your assistants and friends, and even be paid for by brands.
• Also, women will be able to have children at age 120.
I mean, sure. You can read her full list here.