We're down to the penultimate episode of “House of DVF” and we sadly said goodbye to lovable, comic relief Lenore — but not without a last glimpse at her smooth, impromptu dance moves and the jarring thrill of her high-pitched scream. We’ll miss you Lenore, but maybe we’ll see you on the sales floor of the DVF flagship.
It was refreshing to see Brittany reign in the bitch, but not so much to watch Amanda unleash her innate mean girl, which came off as a desperate grasp for the title and poor sportsmanship — saying "I can start a blog over night. You can’t go to college overnight,” to Kier was a low blow. But then again, all's fair in reality TV land. The episode also treated us to fabulous quotables from DVF staffers Stefani Greenfield and Jessica Joffe (and her continued impressive range of emoting acting faces), the conclusion of that seemingly never-ending wrap dress design challenge, an InStyle photo shoot and easy interview session (disguised as a hard hitting expose), a grown-up sales pitch to Nordstrom buyers (guys, in a deft marketing move, the holiday version of the dress is available right now!) and, oh yeah, another Bitch Stole My Look moment, courtesy of J. Jof and Kier, of all people. (Do you think the redhead died a little bit inside when she saw the busty blonde blogger wearing a near identical outfit?) Plus, Joffe is definitely NOT on board with one of the biggest beauty trends of the year.
So let's get to it — especially now that we're down to the final three — the Dos and Don'ts of clawing your way to that Brand Ambassador job. And —surprise! — there are more Dos than Don'ts this time. There's a first time for everything.
Learn restraint. Von Furstenburg summons Brittany to her sprawling Hamptons manse for a chat. As the on-the-block contestant slowly walks up that long pathway to meet DVF lounging about in her golfing green sized front yard, she tells herself, “Be confident, have strength, you’ll be good." She also should have said "be nice," because that's all DVF wanted to see. After telling von Furstenberg how her past as an abuse victim puts her on the defensive, Brittany earns a second chance to prove herself. And she actually did exercise DVF-advised restraint later on by opting not to pile-on Amanda after the blonde got her own get out of jail free card.
Grovel. After von Furstenberg invites Lenore for a ride in her luxury chauffeured car and gently breaks the gift bag news, the newly booted contestant kind of begs for a second chance. "And I love your brand so much," Lenore cries. "I wouldn’t wanna go off into another brand. I want to stay with you and your team because I, like, love it." Moved by the words, von Furstenberg decides to grant young "Leonore" with a job interview in sales — and the giant gift bag. But, like Tiffani before her, Lenore has a better chance at a real job in the Diane von Furstenberg empire than two of the remaining three contestants.
Be mediocre. OK, so remember in episode two when Amanda was praised as the most impressive during the first challenge and we were all like, "who the hell is Amanda?" Well, turns out the joke is on us — while consistently middling performance may earn you ire from your fellow contestants, it will turn you into Jessica Joffe's group favorite. Joffe shared some tough-love words of advice to her teacher's pet ("You’re not going to get the job by standing back") and apparently also imparted a crash (off-screen) tutorial in fashion speak. As Amanda jumped at the chance to "sell" model Jessica Hart on Kier's jumpsuit design and she impressively threw out industry terms like "French Riviera" and "fluidity" — and gave a delivery date.
Be cutthroat. As the new Brittany, Amanda, said, "People going home is only getting me one step closer to getting this job, so I have to celebrate a little bit.” Jeez, Lenore's body isn't even cold yet. Then, later on after the successful Nordstrom pitch meeting, an uncertain DVF unleashes the hounds by asking the girls to basically talk shit about each other — in front of each other. Amanda (who's "not messin' around" anymore) jumps right in, even food shaming Kier. "When you get hungry, I’m scared you’re gonna, like, hurt me," she says. A newly reformed Brittany, again, bites her tongue and Kier tries, unsuccessfully, to talk herself up — hence Amanda's elitist college comment. We guess Lenore wasn't the only caged animal itching to be let out.
Jump on the flash tattoo trend. Even though Beyonce and Kendall Jenner have rocked metallic flash tats, Amanda should have scrubbed hers off before her InStyle photo shoot because Jessica Joffe was not impressed — neither was anyone else, really. Joffe's disgusted "Jesus Christ" response upon seeing Amanda's ankle adornment was pretty priceless. “There are just certain rules about how you show up on set," she sniffed. "Your hair is clean, your face is clean and you’re not covered in washable tattoos.” Kudos to Brittany's "Really, Amanda? This isn’t Coachella" comment, too.
Have questionable taste. You knew poor Lenore was on shaky ground after continuously failing her styling skills tests in front of reigning DVF Girl Joffe. And J. Joff was relentless. A black body-con turtleneck dress? "That dress is unforgiving to the max." Or a black and white blouse and pencil skirt? "Wow, you look like you’re going to a bar mitzvah." And that last disaster of a printed wrap cardigan over a black blouse and white skirt with those leopard print booties? "Clown outfit." Joffe basically told the Staten Islander to stop faffling about (I'm so using that from now on) and sucked her confidence dry in the process.
Have bad posture. Because "nobody is buying a dress from somebody hunched over like cro-magnon man." Point, Stefani Greenfield.
Neglect your studies. Amanda learned her lesson after totally, completely blowing her answer to InStyle senior fashion editor Violet Gaynor's simple interview question about the DVF fall 2014 collection. First she confused it with resort 2015, then basically admitted that she had no answer. Later in the episode we see her scrutinizing runway shots on her phone. "I obviously read all about the collection and Daria," Amanda tells Kier and Brittany. "The model." So despite her "three internships" and purported extensive fashion industry experience, Amanda never came across famous model Daria Werbowy? Huh. Then, after Kier confuses a jumper for a jumpsuit and can't name fabric of the jumper/jumpsuit/romper, she realizes she needs to bone up on, well, a lot. "She better cram, she better pull an all nighter," says Greenfield.
There better be a lot of all nighters happening because the girls are going to Fashion Week in the season finale. Plus, we find out who walks away with the ultimate DVF Girl title — and which two girls end up with gift bags. Hope they each get their own.
So who do you have your money on? Brittany, Amanda or Kier?