Just before we headed out to enjoy our long, happy weekends filled with Americana-centric cheer, Rihanna did what she does best: dropped one hell of a music video that makes us simultaneously adore and fear her. After releasing the heavy-hitting single, "Bitch Better Have My Money," in March, the Dior-employed pop star finally premiered the track's music video late Wednesday night.
The seven-minute short is, for lack of a better description, utterly crazy, living at a unique intersection between a Quentin Tarantino masterpiece and 2013's "Spring Breakers." As the lyrics suggest, Rihanna — our villainess — is owed a handsome amount of funds by a banker-type who is holed up in a luxury hotel suite with his doe-eyed, glossy wife. Rihanna, expectedly, carries out a plan to retrieve those funds while wearing a number of statement-making outfits, ranging from furs to almost nothing at all. With said outfits and her innate bad gal attitude, Rihanna didn't have to recruit 8,000 of her closest acquaintances (cough, Taylor Swift) to come off as a total ass-kicker.
Here's how she did it, wardrobe-wise.
Step one: Roll up at your subject’s sprawling, plush hotel in the dead of the night. Drive a retro convertible. Wear a thick coating of dark lipstick.
Don’t bother blending in. A pinstripe blazer, baby-sized Adam Selman t-shirt, large beret and enormous trunk should do the trick.
Much like Thelma and Louise, keep your valuables out of the trunk and in the backseat with you. Unlike Thelma and Louise, hire cronies with Givenchy-friendly face jewelry and leather collars. Interpret the lyrics “your wife in the backseat of my brand-new foreign car” literally.
To fill up the tank, perform a quick wardrobe change that includes a practical patchwork coat, bosom-y boustier, denim midi skirt and, just for good measure, a pair of leather gloves.
If you happen to have a Dior contract, put it to use by employing some thigh-high vinyl go-go boots, courtesy of the spring 2015 collection.
Consider substituting your aforementioned beret for a daisy-printed headscarf whilst singing the chorus of your revenge song.
After a long, thrilling evening of cruising in the desert, you deserve it: Take that recreational boat cruise.
At the very least, provide your prisoner with a green moto jacket. To quell suspicions, she must look like she belongs in your eccentrically dressed squad of criminals.
Don’t forget to pack a pair of appropriately cutesty pajamas—silk, perhaps—for a night of motel debauchery.
Carefully reapply your makeup—namely, a red-tinted smoky eye—prior to a night of torture.
And when it’s all said and done, celebrate as best as you know how: reclining nude swathed in blood and hard-earned cash.
Watch the full video for "Bitch Better Have My Money," below: