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The Mint Green Shoes That Eliza Will Obviously Not Wear Out in This Weather

But one day, spring will come.
Acne Studios "Adriana" Turn Up leather sneaker, $450, available at

Acne Studios "Adriana" Turn Up leather sneaker, $450, available at

Realizing that I am publishing this post on what has been the slushiest day of the year for New Yorkers, I just want to say that I do not intend to wear these mint green sneakers out in the snow. I don't even own them, though I've lusted after them for a while, so I couldn't tint them the grayish brown hue of our great city's wintry trash slurry even if I wanted to. Which I don't. That would be a terrible use of money, although it would look really funny juxtaposed against the unimpressed faces on the detachable lace accessories. "What a jerk," the one on the right would say without moving his mouth line. "She's a fully grown adult and hasn't learned how to take care of nice things." "Doesn't really matter to me," Lefty would counter. "It's her own goddamn fault. You know how she's been saying she'll clean the shower for a week but just re-watches 'New Girl' when she gets home from work? Let her dig her own grave. Waste in her own filth."

As I said, I don't own these shoes yet. But I'd like to when the weather gets warmer. So I can ruin them in the dusty dirt of high summer.

Acne Studios "Adriana" Turn Up leather sneaker, $450, available at

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