On Monday night, Ben "Such a Good Guy" Higgins will likely propose to one of his two remaining girlfriends on the season finale of "The Bachelor." It's been a whirlwind "journey," as the producers so often like to remind us — one that has gifted us with a myriad of incredible characters who were simply made for television.
There was Caila — reportedly chosen to be the next Bachelorette — who strolled out of an autumnal J.Crew catalog preloaded with such soundbites as: "There is no other place I would rather be in the world than in his arms." There were the twins, Emily and Hannah, both of whom now work as cocktail waitresses at Marquee Nightclub in Las Vegas. There was Olivia. There was Lace. There was that girl with the chickens, and the one who didn't speak English. There were four girls named Lauren.
But as widely different as these women may be, we just couldn't ignore the fact that a number of this season's contestants — a majority of them, even — exhibited very similar personal style. Can you blame them, though? From a production standpoint, there's something so non-polarizing about Converse sneakers and boob-length hair, curled into "beachy waves" with varying degrees of success. Is it safe to say that so many of the show's contestants look, uh, exactly the same? We think yes.
We've outlined 10 recurring themes of both style and beauty on "The Bachelor" below, as evidenced by this season's competitors. And don't miss the season 20 finale on Monday Mar. 14 at 8:00 p.m., where the final two ladies will likely pull out all of the sartorial stops — without veering too far outside of "basic bitch" territory, of course.
1. You shall have long, middle-parted and preferably blonde hair.
Nothing says "I'm ready to be a wiiiiifffeeeee!" better than a head full of tumbling, perfectly glossy curls. It's as if the program plucked all of its contestants from Norway or some other authentically Scandinavian country, because a great number of its pretty, thin finalists were blonde. In all fairness, that could just be Ben's type — but the above imagery is pretty damning.
2. You shall wear a crop top when a regular-length shirt will do.
If you're going on "The Bachelor," why would you even pack normal shirts? Considering most of this season's contestants are software sales representatives or in, like, real estate, this is their one opportunity to prance around in nonsensical sports bras and bikini tops for no practical reason aside from showing off their hard-earned barre class abs. Embrace it!
3. You shall own at least one pair of Converse sneakers in white, red or black.
There's always one group date that involves some casual, slightly sporty activity. You definitely don't want to be the girl who rolls up to a fake soccer game in a pair of Yeezy Boosts, right? Converse are as classic as they are unassuming — although they're not the most practical for strenuous physical activity — and they let your TV-ready personality do all the talking.
4. You shall wear lots of flannel, even, inexplicably, in the Los Angeles sun.
The '90s are in right now. Grunge is cool. Therefore, a flannel shirt tied around your waist makes for the perfect accessory to prove that you're clued-in to the fashion world — which, for any woman competing for love on "The Bachelor," is important.
5. You shall never own too much lace.
Not that Lace.
Even fake lace.
6. You shall never own too many off-the-shoulder blouses.
Are you going on a solo date? Do you want to show off some tanned, bony shoulder skin? Do you enjoy dressing like you're off to Coachella all year long, or are you wearing a flower headband in your current Instagram profile picture? Congratulations! You have your next outfit all planned out, and you'll look right at home in "The Bachelor" mansion.
7. You shall adopt the unofficial uniform of skinny jeans and ankle boots.
Get outta here, boyfriend jeans. We need to see the full outline of your calf.
8. You shall be a wizard with the curling iron.
There have been many reports that women are tasked with doing their own hair and makeup while on "The Bachelor," but for the most part, you'd never know that these ringlets were executed by anyone other than a seasoned professional.
9. You shall own a bikini for every occasion.
Because roughly half of the show is filmed in a tropical location and/or at a Sandals resort (#sponsored), it's absolutely imperative that you bring an endless supply of swimsuits. You don't want to be that girl who wore the same bikini top to both Jamaica and the Bahamas — and you definitely wouldn't want to wear the same suit to go cliff-jumping as you would to play with baby sea turtles, right?
10. And finally, you should keep your mouth closed. Or else.