Who knew that "hold the door" would end up being one of the most important phrases on Game of Thrones?
The story behind Hodor's name has long been a point of curiosity for fans of the series, but I think I speak for all of us when I say that had I known I would be so utterly devastated by the tale, I would not have jokingly asked about it so much. In an Inception plot gone really, really wrong, young Hodor — still Wyllis — is able to see Bran visiting through visions as Bran is warging inside a grown Hodor (still with us?). The warg then goes through young Wyllis, and apparently it breaks his brain, as all he is capable of saying is "Hold the door" — a command which Meera is yelling at Hodor while fleeing wights. As Wyllis continues to yell the phrase, it gets shortened to Hodor.
In other words, Hodor got his name because Bran accidentally broke his brain in the past while Hodor was saving Bran's life in the future. In a show filled with plot twists, this was surely one of the most shocking, and definitely one of the most gutting — and this after zombies killed Bran's dog, Summer!
Plus there was fashion, I guess. Give me a moment to pick my jaw up off the floor and to try and put the pieces of my heart together.
Bran, You Fucking Idiot
That's all I have to say about that.
Okay, now we can talk about the fashion.
Jon Snow Had to Die So the Manbun Could Live
I have a lot of thoughts about a lot of things, one of them being Jon Snow's hair. While the hipsters of Brooklyn may have left the manbun in 2014, I am extremely into the idea of Jon Snow's little mini-manbun situation, since Melisandre had to cut his curly locks for all that blood magic that brought him back from the dead.
Sansa Stark Is the GOAT
Listen, Sansa did not come to the Wall to play. First, she receives a note from Petyr Baelish, who I hope gets stabbed in the face really, really soon (and by her interaction with the man who essentially handed her over to a rapist, so does Sansa). She stands firm as she repeatedly asks him what he thinks Ramsay did to her, and smartly assesses that if he didn't know what was happening, he's an idiot, and if he did, he's a monster. Then, Sansa demands Jon help her take back Winterfell, and helps them figure out which houses can be called upon to help. I'm not the only one who really hated her storyline last season, but I'm really pleased with the strong, take-charge arc her character is taking this season. Her clothes for these scenes are somber, no-nonsense frocks that have hints of armor about them. She also has her hair styled in the traditional Northern way again.
The most major fashion moment of the episode comes courtesy of Sansa, who has whipped up a new dress for herself featuring the House Stark direwolf sigil, and a new cape for Jon that looks like the one Ned Stark once wore. My question is, how does she have the time to make an incredibly ornate dress with embroidery skills Valentino would kill for and put together a leather and fur cape? She's been at the Wall for like, two seconds. At any rate, all that time spent sewing is perfect for obsessing over how you will take vengeance on everyone who has ever wronged you, so I'm not about to fault her for going to town on some cloth. It's probably good stress relief.
Brienne of Tarth Has a Not-So-Secret Admirer
Oh my god, this might be my favorite possible plot of the whole season. Tormund has really taken to Brienne, looking at her like he's never seen a woman like her before (which, let's be real, he probably has not). For a wildling leader like him, seeing a woman who is so clearly a badass warrior has to be a huge turn on. Brienne doesn't look so into it, but I hope that changes, because no one on this show has ever deserved a nice lil' romp more than Brienne of Tarth.
Arya Gets a Break from Beatdowns
If we're being honest, I hope Arya leaves the House of Black and White soon, because all this hazing she's going through is wearing me out. She's assigned a murder task, and while scoping out the situation, she sits through a play mocking the terrible events that set this whole show into motion in the first season. Though she claims to have lost her identity, her emotions watching her father be beheaded and her sister wed to a Lannister make it clear that maybe she's not so ready to give up Arya Stark after all.
She does get a break from that navy sackcloth and drab hairdo to head out in Braavos style, braid buns and all. At this point, it's a miracle the show hasn't run out of inventive braid styles to try. Also, for all that whacking with a stick, Arya sure does look like someone who still has all her teeth and no major face injuries.
Yara Greyjoy Was Robbed
Has anyone in Westeros ever deserved a throne more than Yara Greyjoy? She's more a warrior than anyone on the Iron Islands, leading the charge to rescue her brother and building a reputation as one of the fiercest captains in the Iron fleet. Still, as usual, some big dumb man comes in talking about what he's going to do with his dick and suddenly, poor Yara is left in the dirt.
No worries. Dressed in her armor and some seriously enviable beach waves (living in that godforsaken place has some advantages, it would seem), Yara and a finally-cleaned-up Theon take to the sea with the best ships the Iron Islands have to offer. Euron promises to find and kill them, but I think he's underestimating Yara — and the size and power of his own penis, if I'm being completely honest. (Yea, sure buddy, you're going to seduce Daenerys Targaryen, because that's been going so well for everyone else.)
There's a New Red Woman in Town
Melisandre better get her shit together and quick, because behold, we have a newer version of the Red Woman on the scene (ain't that always the way?). This one is Kinvara, and she's been summoned to help Tyrion and Varys muster up more support for Daenarys. Like Melisandre, Kinvara wears robes with dramatic, Ellery-worthy sleeves and a choker (Westeros has not yet received word that Alexa Chung thinks they're over). Does Kinvara's red gem hold the same anti-aging secret as Melisandre's? If so, these people are sitting on a god damn gold mine.
She thinks Daenarys is the Prince that was promised, while Melisandre now believes Jon Snow is said Prince. Both Daenarys and Jon have followers who believe them to be gods... NOW ISN'T THAT INTERESTING!
Daenarys Is on Fire (Figuratively, This Time)
Having been unburnt a groundbreaking second time, Daenarys is in need of new clothes. Thankfully, it appears Jorah and Daario came prepared, because she's back in her warrior garb of subtly-scaled tops and breeches. At least, I assume that's where the clothes came from — I spent a lot of time asking about this, much to my boyfriend's chagrin. Like, come on, the Dothraki aren't wandering around the desert with Dany's signature dragon scale cloth, right? And her other clothes were trashed on account of all the being captured and then burned thing. So the only other explanation is that her two would-be lovers optimistically brought an extra set of clothes.
And she didn't even get her dragon necklace back! That's a shame, as it was badass (and, I assume, not cheap). Her braid game is back at one hundred, though, and she looks every inch the Queen as she forgives Jorah and commands him to heal himself. After all, it's really hard to be mad at a man who says that he loves you but he must leave because he's literally turning into stone. ("Yea, right!" say a million women on Tinder.)
All that, and still I can't stop thinking about Hodor. Let's pour one out for old Wylly and Summer, and hope next week's story brings better news for the Starks, who still haven't reached the end of their suffering. The North Remembers.