You Can Never Go Home Again on "Game of Thrones" - Fashionista

You Can Never Go Home Again on "Game of Thrones"

Not every homecoming is triumphant.
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MOM! Photo: HBO

MOM! Photo: HBO

Spoilers, obviously.

If the first few seasons of "Game of Thrones" were about splitting all these characters apart (sometimes literally, oh my god this was a violent episode), this most recent season is working towards bringing them back together. Our favorite Westerosi friends and enemies are now bumping back up against each other in all kinds of fun and terrible ways, and we're reaping the storytelling benefits!

Of course, as war approaches, fashion goes by the wayside. Still, costumes tell a story too — and that story is getting hella juicy. Let's recap what happened in "Game of Thrones" season 6, episode 8: "No One."

Things Are Not Looking Great for Cersei

This can only go poorly, right? Photo: HBO

This can only go poorly, right? Photo: HBO

Hoooooo, boy. Cersei. After having the Mountain literally rip a dude's head off, Tommen (read: The High Sparrow) declares trial by combat to be a barbaric tradition that will be illegal going forward. So much for the triumphant Mountain-led battle she had been planning on. Cersei is looking more and more distressed, helped on by the fact that her hair is still so short and she hasn't changed out of her very simple gown for several episodes now. 

Cersei wants to know if "the rumors" are true, which Qyburn confirms, and considering the popular theory that she's going to go after all that wildfire the Mad King supposedly kept under the Red Keep, things are not looking great for King's Landing...

Finally, Let's Talk About How Hot Brienne Is

"This letter says you're a bona fide hottie?" Photo: HBO

"This letter says you're a bona fide hottie?" Photo: HBO

Listen, I'm not here for the objectification of women (or men, Kit Harington! Mostly!). BUT it's finally time this show acknowledged that, in addition to being a total badass vengeance machine, Brienne of Tarth is also... attractive? WHOA WAIT I KNOW MIND BLOWING WOMEN CAN BE BOTH! Bronn asks if Pod has slept with her (in much more vulgar words) and then says pretty much any other man would, including Jaime (which anyone with eyes could see, duh). 

What's cool about Brienne though is that she's not interested in playing into rules about femininity. She parleys with the Blackfish looking every bit as much a warrior as he does. She also stands up to Jaime and offers to give him back his sword. Thankfully, he refuses; as everyone might remember, Oathkeeper is made of Valyrian steel, which is one of the few things that kill White Walkers (DID YOU FORGET THIS?! You're welcome). 

Missandei and Grey Worm 4 Ever

If you don't think this is the cutest thing ever you can get out of my face!!! Photo: TUmblr

If you don't think this is the cutest thing ever you can get out of my face!!! Photo: TUmblr

Missandei and Grey Worm are the sweetest couple I have ever seen wearing all leather. I am still not 100 percent clear on how comfortable it is in the hot environment of Meereen, but damn if they don't make it look good. Tyrion continues to try and get them to loosen up by getting them to drink wine and tell jokes. Missandei tells a truly awful joke, prompting Grey Worm to say, "That is the worst joke I have ever heard." They are the antidote we all need in this terrible world.

Girl, BYE

You had to know this meant she was doomed, right? Photo: HBO

You had to know this meant she was doomed, right? Photo: HBO

The actress Lady Crane finds Arya bleeding out and takes her in to help her heal. She suggests that Arya join the troupe, but Arya mentions wanting to continue west past Westeros — further than anyone's been before. Lady Crane just offers her milk of the poppy to rest, and cares for her in a very motherly fashion. It's interesting that the most maternal figure in Arya's life in a long time looks not unlike Catelyn Stark, but dresses as Cersei for a living.

Of course, that means she was doomed, as Arya predicted. The Waif shows up and violently kills Lady Crane, telling Arya if she had just done what she was supposed to, the actress wouldn't have had to suffer. At first, Arya runs, as she's spent the last few episodes trying — and failing — to do. But then it comes to time to confront the Waif full on, which ends with the Waif's face joining the wall with all the others.

Seriously, someone call Sarah Connor. Photo: HBO

Seriously, someone call Sarah Connor. Photo: HBO

I'm just happy that Arya finally killed the prototype for the Terminator. That girl was THE WORST (despite having the BEST braid game, which like, how do you keep them that neat when you're running around murdering people and putting other people's faces on your face?!). 

U KNO IT. Photo: Tumblr

U KNO IT. Photo: Tumblr

It turns out that murdering the only other girl hanging around means that a girl is finally no one! PSYCH! A GIRL IS FINALLY ARYA STARK AND SHE IS GOING HOME. She's no longer dressed like a Braavosi or the Waif; she's Arya Stark. I, for one, am excited to have her back to WRECK SHIT in Westeros again.

Mom's Home

"Uh, we uh, might have done some stuff while you were gone." Photo: HBO

"Uh, we uh, might have done some stuff while you were gone." Photo: HBO

You know that GIF from "Community" where Donald Glover walks into a room on fire? Yes you do. 

This is the internet lately. Photo: Tumblr

This is the internet lately. Photo: Tumblr

Anyway, Daenerys comes back, literally everything is on fire, and she looks pissed

Someone's in trouuuuubleeeeee. Photo: Tumblr

Someone's in trouuuuubleeeeee. Photo: Tumblr

She makes her return dressed in full warrior gear. Gone are the flowing pleated gowns that marked her attempt at a peaceful rule of Slaver's Bay. This is a Daenerys who means business — I mean, she rode a dragon back. It doesn't get much more badass than that.

It looks like next week will be all about our favorite Westerosi bastards, Ramsay Snow Bolton and Jon Snow (to say nothing of Gendry, who is presumably still out there rowing around). Let's all pray Jon's man bun carries him through his second life

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