Last night's "Game of Thrones" episode might have been called "The Battle of the Bastards," but more than anything, it focused on the power of the women of the show. Jon Snow may have defeated Ramsay Bolton, but it was Sansa Stark who got to deliver the final blow and proved to be smarter than all of the men. Yara Greyjoy and Daenerys Targaryen are teaming up to demonstrate that women can rule with an iron fist without the cruelty of the men who came before.
Valar morghulis means, "All men must die," but no one said anything about the women. And the women, my friends, know how to make being a badass look good. Let's review the best moments of episode nine, "The Battle of the Bastards."
Dragons Beat...Well, Just About Everything
It's really cute when people challenge the woman who has three dragons in her arsenal — not to mention ruthless Targaryen blood in her veins. Daenarys meets the masters dressed in her warrior gear; no more Mrs. Nice Queen. Her leather boots and gloves are perfect for all that dragon-riding, destruction-bringing stuff she's about to get into. And doesn't the pearl ring strung around her neck kind of resemble a pair of balls? Let me have this symbolism, y'all!! Also, the crew learned a valuable lesson I learned all the way back in 2007: Never trust a man who wears that much eyeliner. (You KNOW what you did, Pete Wentz!)
Yara + Dany = 4EVA
I'm not sure I've been into anything more on "Game of Thrones" than I am the pairing of Yara Greyjoy and Daenerys Targaryen. I don't even mean romantically — though let's be clear, like Yara, I'm up for anything — but just in the way that these two badass female leaders are more fit to rule than their male counterparts. Daddy issues? They laugh at your "daddy issues" and then completely demolish your fleet of ships.
Yara, appropriately, still looks like a warrior in her armor — after all, she is here (presumably) to offer up a fleet of ships and the support of the Iron Islands. Daenarys is back in her regal gear for this meeting, this time pairing a lovely draped gown with a silver collar and belt. Find you a girl that can do both, Yara!
That Battle Was Extremely Stressful
I can't even talk about it, I'm still so stressed about it. But as much as I could tell watching it between my fingers, they did a great job filming it. Also, RIP Rickon, murdered before he could even have another line on the show.
The Most Satisfying Moment on Television This Year
Oh my GOD has anything felt better than seeing Ramsay's dogs tear his face off!? The answer is "yes": seeing Sansa walk away with just the tiniest smile on her face after watching him die.
Sansa Stark Is Officially HBIC
In case you were wondering if Sansa had picked up any conniving and scheming from her time in the Red Keep and with Littlefinger, here's your answer: By keeping her plans with Littlefinger and the Knights of the Vale a secret, she stays even one step ahead of Jon. She knows Jon will ignore her warnings not to fall into Ramsay's trap, but in allowing him to do so, Ramsay's forces are equally decimated and left in a weak position. She's more a general than anyone in Jon's camp, and she looks every inch the leader astride her horse in Stark colors with the house sigil she stitched across her chest. "You're going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton," she says calmly. "Sleep well." Also, props to the flawless braid game, both a practical and stylish choice for riding off on your horse after delivering a vicious cutdown.
I really, truly hope that Ramsay's parting line to her — "I'm a part of you now" — isn't referring to the popular fan theory that Sansa is actually pregnant. It would be a step backwards for a character who finally achieved a redemptive arc. It's hard to tell under the layers of fur and gown. But there's one more episode left in the season, so we're sure to find out soon enough!