Welcome to Shop It Out!, a series dedicated to answering life's big, messy questions in the only way we know how: with shopping.
Q: Oh my God, is this really happening? This is really happening. I sincerely thought maybe this wouldn't happen. Are you sure this is happening?
Oh My God, Please Help
OMGPH, you beautiful tropical fish,
Yep. We've all been there: You wake up to find that the day has finally arrived. It is Jan. 20, 2017. The world in which you have been living since Nov. 9 has not, as you had desperately hoped, been a bad dream. It's real — and it's about to get realer.
Say goodbye to, amongst pretty much every other thing that might possibly make our country great, federal parks, the National Endowment for the Arts and Humanities, gun-free zones in schools, free or affordable birth control, the Affordable Care Act and your liver from all the drinking you're probably about to do in the next four years. (Oh my God.) And that's just a fraction of the stuff that's come out in the past week or so. Can you imagine what the next four years are going to bring? We know you've been trying really hard not to imagine it, but it's probably time to face this head on.
How can we make any of this better? Like so many things — the paper Donald Trump "wrote" his Inauguration speech on — we're drawing a blank. Don't get us wrong: We're going to continue to do a lot of yelling on the internet, marching when we can and resisting as much of the bullshit currently working its way down the pipeline as possible. When we're not doing that, we'll be lying in bed, probably crying, definitely drinking.
Depressed and outraged — but make it fashion.
See you on the frontlines.
1. Yves Salomon Reversible Belted Shearling Coat, $3,910, available at Net-a-Porter: Don't want to put on any semblance of real, clean, societally acceptable clothing? Then boy, do we have the coat for you. It's fancy as hell — it's basically a robe! — and you won't even need to change out of your pajamas. Just slide this sucker on and you're ready to venture out into Trump's America.
2. Marilyn Minter Pin for Planned Parenthood, $3, available at The Wing: Designed by a founding member of The Wing, 100 percent of proceeds go to Planned Parenthood of NYC. Dress it up or down, with a ballgown — à la Lola Kirke — or at your family's next Thanksgiving dinner.
3. Rachel Antonoff Female Reproductive System Sweatshirt, $98, available at Rachel Antonoff: Wait, we can't believe Rachel Antonoff's beloved lady parts sweatshirt isn't sold out. That's bound to change, though, so let's all stock up on one or two or eight or 56 and pass them out to all those who still believe uttering the word "tampon" out loud will send them straight to blazing gates of hell.
4. Tom Ford Patent Finish Lip Color in Stolen Cherry, $53, available at Nordstrom: This week, Trump let everyone know he's "not a fan" of Tom Ford. We, however, are. This lipstick from his eponymous makeup line is glossy and long-lasting, which is good, since evidently, fighting the patriarchy is gonna take a while.
5. Excedrin Migraine Geltabs, $9.99, available at Target: Our friends at The Cut recently filled us in that, no, we aren't crazy — Trump really is giving us migraines. So now's the time to stock up on that good shit.
6. The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States of America, $4.29, available at Barnes & Noble: A handy pocket copy to have on your person.
7. Allbirds Wool Runners, $95, available at Allbirds: A sturdy pair of running shoes will be a necessity for when you're ready to start trekking to Canada and never look back. Allbirds makes its goods lightweight and breathable, so all your stress-sweat has a place to go.
8. It Cosmetics Bye Bye Under Eye Concealer, $29, available at Ulta: Look as fresh-faced as a sweet, naive, newborn baby by masking any signs of sleep deprivation with this concealer from It Cosmetics, a company that just so happens to have been founded by a kick-ass female entrepreneur.
Stay tuned for next week's Shop It Out!: What Do I Wear If I Run Out of 'Bernie Would've Won' Jokes to Make on the Internet?