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Adele Can Become My Evil Stepmother at Any Time

Happily ever after is overrated when you look this good.

Imagine you're a princess in a faraway kingdom. Your mother died tragically young, when you were just a baby, but it's okay because your loving father dotes on you as though you're the most precious thing in the world. And you are! 

For a time. 

Then Daddy Dearest meets a woman who charms him — entrances him, even, sweeps him right off of his feet into a whirlwind marriage, and she moves into your castle. Don't get me wrong, your new Stepmother is stunning: high cheekbones, lush hair, a cat eye flick so sharp it could (and perhaps...will) kill a man. But she's also got a penchant for wearing all black and keeping her nails filed into long talons, and you've got a feeling that this is a woman who keeps a magic mirror somewhere, or perhaps a poisoned apple, maybe a mermaid's voice trapped inside a seashell locket, and you just know in your bones that she's gonna lock you up in the highest tower until the end of time (or, at least, until your prince shows up).

This is an abridged version of the fairy tale I wrote entirely based on Adele wearing a custom Armani Privé dress at the 2022 Brit Awards. That's how powerful it is. (And yes, I'm fine.)

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It's just that the design — with its silk velvet, tulle neckline and train — call to mind a fabulous Disney antagonist who, let's be honest, you can't help but love. Happily ever after is overrated, and besides, you never liked that prince that much anyway. (Plus, that tower gets killer acoustics so you just know her villain origin song is gonna be a stone-cold banger when she gets around to performing it in the second act. Stay locked in a castle and get a free Adele concert? It's kind of a no-brainer here, folks.)


What I'm trying to say here is: Adele, please feel free to become my evil stepmother any time. (Conveniently, my father is single!) In the meantime, congrats on your wicked look on the Brit Awards red carpet.

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